


Tripping, Falling and Chasing Dreams

by R_E_R6



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Almost Dying, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, Coming Out, Discussing Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Dreams and Nightmares, Feelings Realization, Fighting and making up, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hospitals, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Making Out, Mentions Of Shannon's Death In Therapy, Mutual Pining, Non-Graphic Violence, Pining, Pride, Sexuality Crisis, Shannon Diaz -Mentioned, Stabbing, Therapy, Truth or Dare, all the kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:09:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24495499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_E_R6/pseuds/R_E_R6
Summary: 6 Times Buck and Eddie dream about having their First Kiss + the 1 time they actually get to have it.AKA. First Kiss Week prompts all mashed up into one fic
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 58
Kudos: 274





	1. Day 1 - Pride

**Author's Note:**

> (I've tagged for all 7 days, though some may be added if I notice things I've missed while finishing up later chapters.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck dreams of he and Eddie having their first kiss at a Pride parade.

Buck blinks against the glaring light of the small screen and yawns for the third time in as many minutes. A quick glance at the time tells him he should have been asleep hours ago if he wanted to get a decent sleep in before his shift tomorrow. Still, despite the way his eyes sting in protest, he forces them open and clicks on the next video. If he closes his eyes to rest now he’ll only be woken up by the unwanted return of his persistent overthinking. 

It’s been another one of those gruelling nights. Nights where his head won't shut up and allow him to find peace no matter where he diverts his thinking. He’d gone to bed early despite his restlessness, foolishly convincing himself that he could probably sleep at a reasonable hour if he started trying soon enough. After an hour of tossing and turning, it had become clear that wasn’t going to happen. The dark hurricane continued tearing through his tired mind, leaving behind chaotic flashes of painful memories and plagues of “what if” scenarios poking out of the wreckage.

It starts as a distraction when he’d reached for his phone, just a few cheerful videos to expel the sadness, pain and insecurity. As Youtube binges go, he quickly finds himself spiralling through compilations of soldiers coming home that melt his heart, especially when there are kids involved. His thoughts wander to Eddie during those, wondering if he’d had such a reunion with Christopher, and the heartfelt tears that fill his eyes are a relief from the previous anguish that prickled them. 

Next he choses a clip from “What Would You Do?” that pops up. That too leads to click after click through the different scenarios, and Buck finds himself smiling as person after person is shown standing up for what’s right in heartwarming displays. It works, for the most part, and finally allows Buck freedom from his own head as he mindlessly clicks from video to video, trying to even out the feelings stirring about within him. 

Hours later, a scenario involving the proposals of same-sex couples leads him to a stream of real flashmobs and proposals. Joy slowly begins to peak through then, gradually growing stronger and calming the hurricane. A particular one of two female firefighters getting engaged at pride, turnouts and all, has him grinning wide at the small screen of his phone in the darkness. If he sheds a tear or two then no one is there to know, and they couldn’t blame him if they were. It is incredibly sweet to see everyone cheering on their love. 

Now, as he watches more videos of couples kissing at pride, he smiles softly and allows his mind to drift to a place he only wanders freely when he’s alone. Eddie. He allows himself to ponder what it would be like to kiss Eddie in front of everyone and be able to show the world that Eddie is his. It’s with that hopeful thought shining light through his mind that he finally falls asleep, a series of particularly long and sticky blinks ending with his eyes remaining closed for the night. 

* * *

They’re surrounded by cheering and music as the float, adorned with fire helmets in a kaleidoscope of colours and patterns, drives slowly through the swamped streets. People are packed tightly along the sidewalks, also draped in colour as they wave and cheer. Flags wave along with them and flap in the breeze, seeming to carry good spirits through the air between one person and the next. 

Buck is awestruck as he takes it all in. It’s not his first Pride, but he’s never been part of the parade before and it feels like a whole other world up here. It sends a tingle through his bones that settles in his heart before pumping excitement around his entire body.

“This is awesome,” comes Eddie’s smooth voice. His arm slides around Buck’s waist for stability as he leans over to speak the words into Buck’s ear. Buck leans back into his loose hold and smiles as he turns his head. Eddie is already looking at him, and Buck swears there are as many colours in his eyes as there are flying around them. 

“Yeah, it’s great. I’ve never experienced Pride quite like this before,” Buck replies when he finds his voice. 

Eddie raises a curious eyebrow, “like this? So you’ve been to Pride before?” 

If he wasn’t close enough to read Eddie’s face so clearly, he’d think the hopefulness he hears in Eddie’s voice is just his imagination. However, he’s definitely close enough and Eddie seems very eager to hear his answer.

“Yeah, I’ve been every year since I moved to LA for the job,” Buck explains, enjoying the soft smile that graces Eddie’s face just for him. “The first year Hen and I got so drunk, Chimney had to carry us halfway home with the help of a guy in a thong before we could find a place where an Uber could get to us. We ended up staying at Chim’s because she lost her keys and Karen was working, I apparently felt left out of the sleepover and refused to get out at my apartment so Chim gave in.”

Buck ends the story with a chuckle but Eddie’s face falls, a soft “oh” drifting from his lips as he stands straighter and turns his head. The clear show of disappointment confuses Buck and his hope begins to dim. Until he realises Eddie might take his words to mean he was only at Pride supporting Hen. Then hope crawls out of its hiding spot within his chest, urging him towards the other man until he’s leaning closer, his own arm resting around Eddie’s shoulders and pulling him flush against his side.

“It was a great day. It’s just too bad I was too drunk to consent, Thong Guy was pretty hot. Totally wild too, but in the fun way, totally my type back then.” 

Eddie’s smile returns and Buck mirrors the expression. Maybe his feelings aren’t so unrequited afterall. Why else would Eddie be so pleased to find out he’s into guys?

“That’s great,” Eddie blurts before trying to play off his outburst, “I mean, the not having sex while you can’t consent thing. That’s important.”

“Yeah, he was a nice guy. I’m kinda glad I never had sex with him though,” Buck confesses, “He’d have probably made a great boyfriend and I wasn’t in the right place to let him be that for me then. I might have regretted letting him go after one night when I started looking out for something more serious.”

He hopes Eddie gets the hint. Buck wants Eddie to understand that he wants a real relationship with him, for them and Chris to become a family. His tentative confidence grows as it seems Eddie may also be interested. 

“Serious like with Abby?”

Buck resists the urge to roll his eyes at the question. He can see that Eddie is hesitant and knows he needs to be careful with this, to make himself clearer.

“Sort of, what I had with Abby was great while it lasted,” he shrugs, hoping to convey that he is completely over his ex and ready to move on. He turns to face Eddie, noses almost touching, and lets his sincerity seep through every syllable of his next statement. “I want more than that though. I want real, lasting love. To get settled down, have a real connection, a family, eating dinner together and having movie nights. That’s my new dream.”

Eddie bites his lip and Buck can see the gears turning behind his eyes as he connects the dots. He smiles, his hand on Eddie’s shoulder moving to cup his neck. Eddie opens his mouth to speak, his eyes sparkling as Buck gets lost in their depth. 

Just as he’s about to confess his feelings completely, the moment is broken by a chant building amongst the crowd.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

Buck and Eddie look around to try and catch a glimpse of what’s going on, Eddie stepping back with an awkward blush as he scans the crowd. But everywhere they turn eyes seem to be on them and they quickly realise that they’re the latest main attraction. Grasps Eddie’s hand, Buck tugs gently to reclaim his attention. 

“I guess they think we’re together.” He chuckles as he nods towards the crowd.

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees absently. He hesitates for a moment and turns away awkwardly, only to look back a second later when Buck squeezes his shoulder. His eyes hold confusion and hope in equal parts when he sees Buck’s satisfied smile. “That doesn’t bother you?”

“Not at all,” Buck assures confidently, pulling on Eddie’s hand until he steps back into Buck’s space. “I’m actually pretty used to it at this point.”

That has Eddie’s head reeling back slowly as he considers the words and his dark eyebrows are scrunched together. A smile pulls at Eddie’s lips and Buck’s sure that the other man understands what he’s insinuating.

Still, Eddie asks, “what do you mean?”

“People assume we’re together all the time, Eds.” Buck explains. Throwing caution to the wind, he steps forwards until he’s close enough to feel the heat radiating from Eddie’s body. “I’ve had people come up to me and tell me how cute our family is when we’re out with Christopher. Even had a few girls tell me how lucky I am to have such a hot boyfriend. It’s very flattering to be honest.”

Eddie blushes when Buck ends with a wink. The crowd grows more wild at that, and Buck has no idea how they saw the small gesture from their spots below. However, dwelling on that thought would mean diverting his attention from Eddie to figure it out, so he dismisses his curiosity without hesitation. 

“Damn, they really want to see us kiss, huh?” Eddie comments. 

Buck grins at him and leans in until his chin is almost resting on Eddie’s shoulder. His lips graze the shell of Eddie’s ear as he speaks. It’s to be heard over the noise, of course, and not at all to be a tease. 

“Can you blame them? We’d look hot together.”

Eddie shivers against him, a sigh of surprise fanning across Buck’s collar bone. It makes him think of Eddie’s lips kissing across his chest in another scenario but he pushes that thought from his mind. First things first, he needs to make sure that Eddie is on board with kissing him at all. He bites his lip, the probability of a positive outcome seems to be growing rapidly with every second. 

“I...do you wanna? I mean, it would make the crowd happy. We could give the people what they want.” Eddie turns away as he speaks, but somehow Buck hears him loud and clear above the noise. He looks awkward, like he’s preparing himself for rejection despite Buck’s clear interest. 

Buck straightens and the hand on Eddie’s neck slips slowly down his back. The other man stiffens, dropping his arm from Buck’s waist. The gesture feels defeatist and Eddie is visibly nervous about his own suggestion, as if he’s harbouring his own insecurities just as Buck has done for so long. Buck wants to look him in the eyes, needs Eddie to see that Buck is serious about this. Buck needs to be sure that this is what Eddie actually wants. It can’t just be to appeal to a crowd, it needs to be for them. It should be because it feels right. 

Buck’s arm circles Eddie’s waist, pulling him closer as his other hand reaches up to grasp Eddie’s chin between his thumb and finger. He turns Eddie’s chin until they’re standing face to face, eyes completely locked on one another. They have each other’s undivided attention.

“Is that what you want, Eds? Just a one-time kiss to make the crowd happy?” He asks, squeezing Eddie closer until there’s no space between their chests. Buck knows Eddie can feel the air shifting around every word that flows between them just as he can feel Eddie’s soft gasp against his hand. “Or do you want me to really kiss you?”

“I-” Eddie stops and holds his breath for a second before starting again, “what do you mean?”

“I mean you and me kissing for real.” Buck clarifies as he tilts their foreheads together. The crowd fades to the background as they get lost in their own little bubble. “I kiss you, you kiss me back, we stop flitting around each other like idiots and finally be together like we both want. At least, that’s what I want. I’m hoping you do too, but if I get rejected in front of this crowd then I can live with that. If we do this it needs to be because you want it, not fmy sake or anyone else's.”

Eddie lets out a sigh that fans hot air across Buck’s lips. Buck is already leaning in slowly, noses brushing, giving Eddie plenty of time to say no or back away if he wants to. The way he’s staring at Buck lips makes him pretty confident he won’t though. 

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, biting his lip to hold back the grin that threatens to break free. “I want that too.”

“Good.” 

His eyes slip closed as their lips meet, all of his other senses dimming until all that’s left is touch and feeling. Eddie is in his arms, kissing him back the way he’s wanted for so long, and it’s more intensely satisfying than anything Buck has ever felt before. He hands over control and lets Eddie set the pace, his heart lurching and drumming in excitement against his ribs as he sinks into the easy rhythm. When Eddie’s hands grasp his waist and hold their bodies tightly together, as if he can’t get close enough, Buck melts into the touch. He’s never felt this cherished before and he wants this feeling of unconfined happiness to last forever.

He’s pleasantly surprised when Eddie’s tongue glides across his bottom lip, and responds eagerly. Their lips move in sync as they part, allowing their tongues to dance together to the ecstatic beating of Buck’s heart. For a moment, the whole world disappears and all there is is them and their love for each other. No people, no music, just them.

Then one by one, his senses return. This close together, their colognes are mixing, surrounding them in a thin cloud of their own new unique scent. A mix of sweet sugar and peppermint freshness have Buck quickly addicted to the taste of Eddie’s lips. It reminds him of Eddie’s love for Polo mints and Buck smiles into the kiss. 

Next the bellowing of the crowd, who have erupted into cheers at their enthusiastic display, fills his ears once more. Loudest of all amongst them is Christopher’s thrilled cheering behind them before Buck feels a small body barrelling into his side and hugging them both, pushing him further into Eddie’s arms. Buck doesn’t know how or when Christopher got here, but he’s glad he’s here now. Both his boys are with him, ready to move into the future together. It’s a movie moment, he thinks to himself. Picture perfect and too good to be true. 

As they pull apart, Buck feels Eddie’s enigmatic smile mirroring his own before they allow space for air between them. Buck remains there for a second, eyes closed, basking in the moment. Then he opens his eyes, slowly but eagerly, expecting to see the light of Eddie and Christopher’s matching smiles brightening his new reality.

  
  


All he sees is the sun shining through the slightly parted curtains of his bedroom window and disappointment hits him like ice water on a bitterly cold day. His swelling heart deflates, leaving him dejected as he regards the sunny world outside with disdain. Three birds are perched on a branch outside his window, no doubt chirping happily, but the shrill screaming of his alarm kills their song. 

_At least they get to be happy in their world_ , Buck thinks bitterly. 

He pulls a pillow over his face with a groan, willing himself back to sleep as he tries to drown out the noise. He wants nothing more than to return to the world where he gets to kiss Eddie like that every day. Where he gets to have Eddie and Christopher’s arms around him and be a part of their family. 

Alas, his alarm clock continues to protest, determined to wake him up completely. It leaves him with no chance of finding the sweet world of sleep again. He slaps the button to turn it off, possibly a little too aggressively but if feels justified. And as he pulls himself out of bed he replays the remaining memories of dream in his head, allowing himself to indulge in the fantasy before he gets to work and has to face the fact that Eddie is just his friend.

* * *

Eddie notices something is up with him from the moment he walks into the firehouse later that morning. Of course he does, subtlety has never been Buck’s strong point and he knows he’s being more obvious than intended as his eyes constantly drift to Eddie. He can’t help it, every time he catches sight of his best friend, Buck can’t help but wonder what it would really feel like to kiss Eddie for the first time. He shouldn’t be surprised, therefore, when Eddie confronts him as he’s sitting alone on the couch, staring blankly at the wall in an attempt to not stare at Eddie. 

“Hey, man, you okay?” Buck jumps in his seat, head snapping to Eddie as he speaks, “Woah, clearly not. You’ve been out of it all day, are you having trouble sleeping again?”

Buck just stares, stunned. It’s just Buck’s luck that Eddie would immediately recognise the signs of his occasional sleep struggles but not realise Buck is in love with him. He supposes he should be relieved instead of frustrated, but he’s conflicted. If Eddie noticed, maybe he could get an answer, a shred of hope or a sign to put him out of his misery. If Eddie knew how he felt he could let Buck know if it was something that could ever happen and end the disharmony within his heart. 

That being said, he knows the easiest way to find out would be to stop being a coward and tell Eddie how he feels. But it’s not just the case of whether or not Eddie might like him back. He doesn’t even know if Eddie likes guys in general and he doesn’t want to just blurt out a topic like that to ask or pry. There’s also the added issue of Buck’s crippling fear of rejection. 

At least in his mind there’s a chance. Voicing those feelings creates risk, his asinine hope could crumble to nothing in seconds and he doesn’t want to know what that would feel like. He doesn’t want to lose hope, and most of all he doesn’t want to lose Eddie. 

“Buck, are you still with me?”

Buck blinks, nodding on autopilot, “yeah, it’s nothing. Just couldn’t sleep until late.”

“Overthinking again?”

Buck smiles slightly. How can he be expected not to fall in love with Eddie when he’s the only person who knows him well enough to pinpoint his problems?

“You know me, just stuck in my own head,” Buck shrugs.

“Don’t play it off, Buck,” Eddie says, moving closer and placing a comforting arm behind Buck’s neck to grasp the shoulder on the other side. “Talk to me, what’s going on?”

“Seriously, it’s fine,” Buck brushes off. “I just couldn’t stop thinking long enough to fall asleep, I ended up watching Youtube videos until I was too tired to think anymore.”

“Buck.” 

He can hear the disapproval in the way Eddie sighs his name. It’s paired with sympathy and resignation; Eddie knows as well as he does that there was nothing else he could do about it, so he doesn’t bother to berate him for staying awake and staring at a screen into the early hours of the morning. Regardless, Buck still recognises his worry loud and clear.

“I know, I’m working on it,” Buck insists and Eddie squeezes his shoulder again, pulling Buck closer to his side.

Buck freezes at the touch, remembering how close they’d stood in his dream, in the moment before he kissed Eddie. Again, he finds himself wondering what that would be like. He finds himself wishing he could have that, but lacking the bravery to find out if he could have that. As much as he wants to be, he’s not the same confident man he was in his dream, at least not when it comes to his feelings for Eddie. 

Buck’s breath catches when Eddie’s fingers take hold of his chin and shifts closer. It reminds Buck so much of his own actions in his dream, and just like then he finds himself falling headfirst into Eddie’s eyes. They look the same, a perfect mirror of his subconscious imagination and he wonders what that says about him. Maybe it means he should spend less time staring longingly at his best friend. 

“Are you sure that there’s nothing else going on with you today?” Eddie asks with a frown. It sends Buck’s heart racing. Maybe he really has been too obvious today. Perhaps Eddie has noticed his pining and this is where Buck’s dreams get crushed. “You seem, I don’t know, dazed, sad. It’s different, you’re not acting like you usually do when you’re just tired like this. Is something else wrong?”

Buck sighs, a mix of relief and disappointment. Eddie doesn’t know what he’s hiding, at least not everything. He has clearly noticed Buck is hiding something though and it’s obvious Eddie expecting to discover what. Buck resists the urge to cringe. Eddie’s stubborn, and cares fiercely. He won’t settle until he finds out what Buck’s problem is and tries to fix it. It’s one of the many things about Eddie that Buck is oddly charmed. 

Buck gnaws on his bottom lip and Eddie moves closer. The hand on Buck’s face drops to Buck’s hand and squeezes it gently, grounding his wildly flailing thoughts. In a split second he makes a decision to be as honest as he can bear in that moment.

“There is actually something,” he practically whispers. A nervous fear he hadn’t expected prickles against his ribs and he takes a deep breath to calm himself. This is Eddie, it’s going to be fine, there’s no reason to be nervous. “I just- I realised something while I was watching videos last night. Well, I didn’t just realise it, I guess,” he stutters, “I just realised that I’ve never actually told you before.”

“What is it?” Eddie asks quietly, leaning towards Buck and securing them in their own little word. He clearly suspects that Buck wants to keep their conversation private and Buck smiles at his consideration. “You can tell me anything, Buck, you know that.”

 _Not everything_ , his thoughts protest. Buck nods anyway, one side of his mouth lifting into a smile.

“It’s nothing big, I was just watching videos of these couples getting engaged and stuff,” he rolls his eyes and smacks Eddie’s chest lightly with the back of his hands when he lets out an automatic scoff. “Shut up, it helps me stop thinking.”

“I’m not mocking,” Eddie assures, smiling brightly, “it’s just so typical for you.”

Buck rolls his eyes again, lips twisting into a pout of false annoyance. The act falls short when Eddie pokes his tongue out playfully; it’s so uncharacteristic that Buck lets out a short trill of laughter. 

“Oh my god, grow up, I’m trying to be serious.”

Eddie grins, so clearly unapologetic as he says “Sorry, couldn’t resist. Now, what were you going to tell me?”

The air around them feels lighter, more cheerful, and the corners of Buck's mouth lift with the mood. It’s easier to find the words now, as if Eddie’s antics had dispelled all his worries. Another reason to love him, Buck concludes. 

“Well, you know Pride is coming up soon, right?” Buck says easily, sitting straighter as his confidence lifts him up. 

Eddie raises an eyebrow in surprise as he nods, clearly not having anticipated this turn in the conversation. Eddie’s perceptive though and it doesn’t take long until realisation dawns. Buck can practically see the puzzle pieces flying around above Eddie’s head and clicking into place. Still, his expression remains open and encouraging as he squeezes Buck’s hand. 

“Yeah, I know,” he confirms with a growing smile, “and I meant what I said. Anything.”

Buck grins, “Well, while I was watching, some of these proposals were happening at Pride parades and I realised that I never actually told you specifically-”

He cuts off, a bubble of laughter rising to his lips as Eddie shuffles eagerly in his seat. A grin is already overtaking his face and his hand on Buck’s shoulder shapes with his excitement, jostle Buck.

“Oh my God, you’re such a child today. Clearly you know where this is going”

“Shh, Sorry,” Eddie apologises, “I’m being weird, just ignore me, keep going, I want to hear what you have to say.”

Buck rolls his eyes, “you know.”

“Nope, I don’t _know_ ,” Eddie counters with emphasis, “I don’t want to just assume, so tell me.”

Buck had expected Eddie to take his coming out well, but he hadn’t expected him to look so pleased while Buck told him. Eddie is practically vibrating with anticipation and he looks so ridiculous and wholesome that Buck wants to laugh. He decides to tease Eddie instead. 

“Tell you what? I think I lost my train of thought.”

“Oh my god Buck, don’t play around. Tell me what you were going to tell me. The thing about Pride that you didn’t tell me yet,” Eddie urges, carefully vague in his determination to let Buck make the official reveal. Buck thinks it’s cute, and is touched that Eddie is waiting for the words of confirmation.

“Oh what? The thing where I’m bisexual, that thing?” Buck finishes, the words falling from his lips effortlessly as if they’ve never been hard to say. It’s not true, there have definitely been times where he’s struggled to get them out, but seeing Eddie smiling and excited at the prospect of Buck coming out to him makes it so much easier. 

He doesn’t see Eddie’s reaction, not specifically. What he does see is the view of the firehouse over Eddie’s shoulder as he’s embraced in a tight hug. The hand in his lets go and circles his waist, pulling him out of his seat until he’s falling against Eddie’s chest and knocking him back against the arm of the couch. They’re both laughing, carefree and joyous as they pull away and Buck finally gets a look at Eddie’s expression.

“I’m so glad you told me,” Eddie says sincerely, clearly touched as his eyes have taken on a slight sheen. “I think it goes without saying that I’m okay with it, not that anyone else should get to have an opinion. I’m happy for you, is what I mean.”

“Yeah, I got the acceptance loud and clear,” Buck jokes, “I was starting to think I wouldn’t get to say it before you’d start bouncing up and down or attacking me.”

Eddie pushes against Buck’s shoulder as an embarrassed flush tints his cheeks.

“Leave me alone, no one has ever come out to me like that before.”

“I could tell, you were like an excited puppy.”

“Shut up,” Eddie groans, picking up one of the couch cushions and flinging it at Buck’s chest. “I’m just so glad you felt you could, you know? I’m kinda honoured, I know it must take a lot of guts.”

“Yeah, well,” Buck shrugs, a soft blush coating his cheeks as Eddie watches him with something close to adoration “it helps when your best friend is kind of awesome.” Eddie practically preens at the words and it’s Buck’s turn to groan, “Don’t let it get to your head Diaz.”

“Actually I think I will let it inflate my ego a little bit, awesome is high praise.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Buck scoffs.

“Maybe,” Eddie agrees, becoming serious, “but I’m also proud to be your friend. You’re one of the best people I know and I love you, man. I’m always here for you and this conversation doesn’t change that at all.”

Buck blinks, his eyes slightly watery as Eddie’s words wash over him. 

“I knew it wouldn’t,” Buck shrugs, “I know you.”

There’s so much more Buck wants to say but doesn’t know how to express, and it’s clear that Eddie does too. It builds a tension between them that, while not uncomfortable, has shifted the air around them. It surrounds them so completely that Buck doesn’t know how to dispel it and return to normal conversation. Luckily, Eddie does.

“Yeah, we’re definitely awesome. I’d even say the best,” he brags, playfully brazen.

It releases a lot of the tension in the room as he pulls Buck against his chest again. Buck rolls his eyes and fakes exasperation as he mutters some more about Eddie’s ego, but allows himself to relax into the embrace and enjoy having Eddie’s arms around him. It doesn’t quite match his dream. He doesn’t feel the unrestrained euphoria he’d imagined kissing Eddie would feel like, but right now hugging is enough. Knowing that Eddie accepts him and values him as a friend is enough. 

They sit like that for a little while, comfortably tangled together, before Buck yawns and Eddie urges him to catch up on some sleep in the bunk room. Buck eventually gives in when his head lulls against Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie jostles him awake.

“Yeah, you’re definitely not tired.” Eddie quips sarcastically as he stands. He drags Buck up with him before leading him to the bunk room with his hand on each of Buck’s shoulders. Buck’s feeble protests die out around another yawn and he pouts the rest of the way while Eddie chuckles and calls him stubborn. As soon as he spots the bed, his reluctance disappears and he sinks into the mattress. The last thing he sees before he falls asleep is Eddie’s satisfied smile as he closes the door.

He might not ever be Eddie’s boyfriend, but being Eddie’s best friend still feels pretty great.


	2. Day 2 - Heat of the Moment | Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie falls asleep at the station shortly after Buck leaves and wakes up with a revelation.

The firehouse bathroom has been overtaken by a fog of steam, and the sound of cascading water bounces from wall to wall. Eddie runs his hands across his face and through his hair as he leans back into the spray. 

He doesn’t remember these showers ever feeling so good before; the heat and pressure are heavenly against his skin. He doesn’t know how long he’s been savouring it, but it feels like a lot longer than he’d usually spend. It must be, because the warmth has already seeped it’s way into his bones, relaxing his entire body. 

Usually, he gets in and gets out to avoid staying long enough to fuel his desire to remain in the cocoon of water. Remaining too long would run the risk of the water turning cold to forcefully expel him. Now though, he’s so comfortable in the space that he may as well be sprouting wings from his back. An uninterrupted calmness permeates his soul, taking him past the point of caring. He just wants to embrace this feeling for as long as he can.

However, despite how much Eddie wants to remain in the comforting embrace, he knows he can't stay in the shower forever. With a final tilt of his head back into the spray, he pulls back the curtain and steps out of his cocoon. He’s surprised and relieved when he’s not hit with a wall of cold air. Instead, it’s comfortably warm around him, which is unusual but definitely appreciated. He wraps his towel neatly around his waist, noting that Bobby must have ordered new ones at some point because they feel fresh and fluffy against his skin. It’s only a fleeting thought before he tightens the towel low on his hips and lifts a hand to run through his dripping hair again. 

A long, appreciative whistle echoes through the room and sends tingles across his heated skin. Then, as if in slow motion, Buck emerges through the thick veil of steam, his own towel sinfully low and not nearly as secure as Eddie’s. Eddie is too busy staring to fully comprehend Buck’s whistling and what it means. 

The flirty smile also goes over his head at first, afterall he’s seen it enough times on Buck’s lips that it’s nothing out of the ordinary. What he can’t help but notice though, as he seeks out those crystal blue eyes, is the way Buck slides his gaze down the length of Eddie’s body. Then it all snaps into place as if the shower has washed the fog from his eyes and allowed him to clearly for the first time. And what he’s seeing is Buck checking him out. 

Eddie’s thoughts are a rapidly swirling whirlpool of confusion as his emotions battle it out. Hope insists his eyes are seeing the truth, but Doubt insists that Hope is a liar.

“Looking good, man.”

Eddie fights off a blush at the compliment but it’s hard when he’s struggling not to hear the flirty tone that accompanies the words as Hope and Doubt continue their squabble. Doubt loses his battle and his cheeks become tinged with pink. Buck grins at him with a wink and Eddie doesn’t quite know how to respond to that. When he does, it comes out stuttered and awkward.

“Um- thanks.” 

“I’m serious Eddie,” Buck says before his tone turns teasing. “Have you been working out more to keep up with me?”

Eddie scoffs in reply to Buck’s cocky wink and bats at his shoulder. The movement draws attention to Buck’s naked chest again and Eddie can’t help the way his eyes linger. Lust joins the fight with gusto, surprising him with images of himself pressed up against the firm muscles of Buck’s torso. Heat flares beneath his skin even as he tries to drag his mind from the gutter. Hope and Doubt are trouble to each other, but Lust is undeniably dangerous as he dishes out hard hits to Eddie’s focus. 

It’s a difficult battle but Eddie manages to pull his eyes away only to see Buck observing his blatant admiration. He scrabbles for something to say that will distract Buck from his leering, but Hope points out the satisfied glint in Buck’s eyes and whispers that Buck doesn’t mind him looking. 

The feelings of love and admiration he’s suddenly feeling should seem foreign, like invaders emerging through the chaos, but they somehow make sense in his mind. It’s not as if he’s looking at Buck in a way he never has, but more like he’s seeing him in the same way he always has but never realised. As if he’s supposed to be admiring Buck this way. 

Hope and Lust smirk as Doubt takes a strong blow to the head and Eddie thinks maybe they’re right. He certainly appreciates the way Buck is looking back at him with undisguised appreciation. Still, Doubt splits into Caution and Hesitation and Eddie finds himself scrambling for something to say that feels safe. Something that doesn’t reveal too much and risk turning the air cold around them.

“Yeah, I’ve been working out more,” he replies. That’s good, he thinks, not weird at all. At least that is until his mouth opens again. “Figured I must have been slacking off seeing as you got it in your head that you could take me.”

Fuck, why did he go there? Now all he can think about is Buck sauntering towards him the way he did that night in his kitchen. Only now they’re both in nothing but towels and Eddie will have no way to hide his boner if he keeps riding this train of thought. Lust is absolutely beaming and Doubt rolls his eyes as he trips out of view. 

Except he’s not thinking. He’s not imagining the way Buck would slink up to him with that flirty smile and sultry look in his eyes. He doesn't need to imagine it because it’s actually happening. 

Eddie can only stand frozen as Buck moves close enough that their bare chests are almost touching. The heat coming off of Buck’s skin feels more intense than the heat from the shower that is still running behind him. Yet it’s nothing compared to the heat crawling up his neck as Buck leans down to murmur in his ear. His voice is deep and alluring, and Eddie glad for Buck’s arm encircling his waist as his knees weaken. 

“Oh, I could definitely still take you.”

Eddie gulps at the phrase and he’s overcome with the untamable desire to feel Buck’s lips against his and figure out exactly how true Buck’s word is. Eddie’s never been able to resist a challenge. Thankfully, he doesn’t need to. Before Eddie has a chance to talk himself out of kissing Buck, the other man is making the first move. 

Doubt is dead, hesitation flees and caution shatters to pieces. Hope and Lust take control, opening the doors for Happiness and Relief. More bright emotions flit in like fireflies and light up the battlefield in celebration but Eddie is too focused on Buck to name them all. 

Buck’s lips are on his, drawing him in even as he finds himself maneuvered backwards by the guiding weight of Buck’s hands on his hips and the hard press of his broad, solid chest against Eddie’s own. It feels exactly like he’d imagined and Eddie lifts his hand to feel Buck’s muscled shoulder beneath his fingers. 

Without warning, Eddie finds water raining down on him again as he’s backed against the shower wall. They’re pressed together so tightly that not even the water can find enough space between them to pass through. He’s surrounded by Buck; the length of their bodies pressed together, Buck’s thigh wedging its way between his own, hands roaming up and down his sides. Buck’s lips mould to his, the two of them fitting together perfectly for an effortless kiss that sends Eddie soaring. 

Buck kisses him with a confidence Eddie wishes he could possess. There’s no overthinking, no hesitation. In Buck’s arms, Eddie feels his guard fall and he gives in to the moment, allowing them to just be. Eventually though, they need to pull away for air, and Eddie can’t help but to question what this moment truly is. He wanted this, he has this, and now he wants more. 

“What is this?” He asks breathlessly as Buck follows the path of water slipping down the side of his neck, placing perfectly aimed kisses on all of Eddie’s sweet spots. It’s as if he’s done it a thousand times before and knows exactly where Eddie wants him, as if he’s expertly acquainted with Eddie’s body. Eddie doesn’t question the impossible familiarity, too busy moaning as Buck scrapes his teeth up Eddie’s throat in the way that always drives him crazy. 

“Kissing,” Buck mumbles with a smirk before he begins sucking at Eddie’s neck in a way that is guaranteed to leave a mark. Kissing, plain and simple. As if it’s an everyday occurrence. Eddie is astonished.

“I meant wha-mmmm.” 

Eddie’s question is cut off by his moan as Buck’s nips him gently with his teeth. It sends Eddie’s head spinning to the sound of Buck’s triumphant chuckles and the waves of amusement puffing against his wet skin. A thrill zings up his spine and has him slumping further against the wall. His question is almost forgotten as he gives in to his senses and tilts his head back in pleasure, biting down on his lip. 

“Were you saying something, Eddie?” Buck asks between one kiss and another on each side of his collar bone. Eddie’s eyes draw together as he thinks about the words, his head rolling to the side as Buck begins kissing up the other side of his neck. 

“Feels so good.” He mumbles the words breathlessly, practically moaning them quietly as Buck’s large hands slide up his ribs until his thumbs are brushing Eddie’s nipples.

“Did I kiss you stupid, Eds?” Buck chuckles,”You were saying something about what you meant.”

Eddie nods as he remembers but the words are stuck to the top of his tongue as Buck continues his teasing trail of kisses. Reluctantly, he brings his hands to Buck’s chest and separates their bodies just enough for him to focus on speaking.

“I meant what are we doing? Why are we kissing?” 

There’s a vulnerability in his voice that he doesn’t manage to hide and it’s obvious Buck catches it by the way his eyes soften. Buck steps forward again, gentle hands moving to cup Eddie’s cheeks.

“Because we want to,” Buck states simply, leaning in to place another soft peck against Eddie’s slackened lips. “Because we’re here and half naked and we want each other. We’re just two guys throwing caution to the wind and giving in to what we both want.”

“Yeah,” Eddie confirms breathlessly. Buck smiles and kisses him again.

“We’re doing what we should have done months ago” Buck continues between one kiss and the next before moving his lips to Eddie’s ear and whispering invitingly. “I’m kissing you because I want to. I want to feel your body against mine and forget about the world and all your doubts because we’re too lost in each other to care. I want this to be the first kiss of many we share throughout the rest of our lives. I want you, Eddie, to be with you and have everything that comes with it. I love you, Eddie.”

Eddie’s heart somersaults in his chest, his pounding heart ringing in his ears like bells calling for celebration. It’s new, and fast, but also exciting. He can’t deny he wants this. He wants Buck, he wants everything he’s promising. So he takes Buck’s advice and throws caution to the wind.

“I love you too.”

Buck’s answering grin is bright and slightly devilish. That, and the way Buck’s tongue teases it’s way across his bottom lip, are the only warnings Eddie gets before Buck is kissing him again. This time, with their feelings out in the open, it’s like the floodgates have been lifted. Every emotion is poured in the kiss, igniting both their bodies with the passion that burns boldly between them. 

Eddie allows them to wash over him until he’s drowning in the kiss, pulled under by Buck’s wandering hands.They glide over his abs before slipping around his waist, caressing his heated skin as they go and leaving trails of fire in their wake. Buck’s hands don’t stop there. They roam up and down Eddie’s back eagerly as they continue losing themselves in their kiss, each touch coaxing him closer. 

With a newfound confidence, Eddie takes control and sets a hand against Buck’s jaw before turning them effortlessly. Buck’s back collides with the tiled wall, knocking an approving grunt from the taller man’s chest. As Eddie’s tongue slides across his lips, Buck is just as eager to open his mouth for Eddie’s tongue as he is to map out his body. And with Buck pliant beneath him, it’s Eddie’s turn to explore Buck’s body.

Buck reacts so well beneath his hands, leaning into every touch and arching his back as Eddie’s hand trails towards the join of his towel before circling his waist and drawing him flush against his own body. His hands have a mind of their own as they move lower, his fingers rubbing over the soft, fluffy cotton as they make their way to Buck’s ass. He briefly recognises how strange it is for Buck’s towel to still be dry despite the water drenching them both but his hands don’t seem to care. He forgets all about it when he grasps a handful of Buck’s firm ass and feels Buck’s hips roll against his. 

“Fuck,” Buck groans, his head falling against Eddie’s shoulder. His lips part against the skin and his breaths become quick little gasps. “Fuck, Eddie.”

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Eddie is shocked by the words as they fall from his mouth without permission. Where is this coming from? “You have no idea how torturous it is to watch you walk around in those tight jeans every day and not be able to touch you.”

Seriously, where is this coming from? He can’t recall ever having these feelings before. He hadn’t wanted this until Buck walked into the shower, had he? Eddie’s mind is fuzzy and he pushes the thoughts from his mind, refusing to let his overthinking pull him from this moment. Here and now, caution to the wind. He wants this, what happened before doesn’t matter. 

“You can now,” Buck whispers, the quiet teasing miraculously coming through clearly over the sound of the running water. Eddie smiles. That’s more like it, he thinks, focussing his attention on Buck once again as sweet words continue dripping from his even sweeter lips. “In fact, I definitely encourage you to grab my ass at any given opportunity. Preferably without the thick towel in the way so that I can feel your hands properly.”

It’s Eddie’s turn to groan at that, his previous confusion long forgotten. His hips jerk involuntarily when a squeeze to Buck’s ass rubs their towel covered bulges together again, leaving Eddie to wonder what the move would feel like without any barrier between them. In that moment, he wants nothing more than to rip the towels away and set them on fire. It’s probably not the best idea though, given that they’d have to get dressed and put the fire out. 

Eddie groans as the mental image only serves to remind him where they are and he hangs his head in resignation.

“We’re still at work. We should stop before-”

“No one will come in here,” Buck counters, almost whining. “Please, Eddie, I need you.”

Buck’s head is tilted forward to look up at him through the thick, dark lashes of his half-closed eyes. Eddie is weak for those eyes and he feels himself growing more willing to take the risk. Then, Buck’s hands leave his body and reach down between them to unfasten his own towel. As the material falls to the floor at Buck’s feet and his ass is suddenly bared beneath Eddie’s hands, any jagged shards of caution he has left crumble to dust on the floor and get washed straight down the drain. 

“You’re going to be the death of me, Evan Buckley.”

A slow grin takes over Buck’s face. He is sure of himself, already knowing he’s won. 

“I’m taking that as a yes,” he states smugly, his fingers teasing along the edge of Eddie’s towel next before dipping beneath the cotton. 

“I don’t think I have the strength to say no to you like this,” Eddie confesses, bringing his lips to Buck’s once more. 

The water is still hot, the air is still hot, and the energy between them grows even more scorching by the second. As their tongues meet beneath the shower of heat, Buck’s fingers begin loosening his towel, fingers brushing the v of his hips and causing his stomach to clench as the heat pools below the loose fabric. Then, each of Buck’s hands has hold of one side of the towel, pulling them apart as he sinks to his knees.

“Seriously guys? This is not your bedroom,” Hen’s voice calls, expelling the steam immediately. She stands in the doorway to the showers, hands hanging by her sides as she stares at him in exasperation. “Eddie!”

* * *

  
  


Eddie bolts upright, head spinning from the movement. Hen rolls her eyes and laughs.

“Seriously Eddie? We have a whole bunk room full of beds and you chose to sleep at the table?”

Eddie blinks his tired eyes and turns his head, taking in his surroundings. He’s not in the showers and Buck is nowhere to be seen. 

“I didn’t know I was asleep,” he mumbles distractedly, eyes wide and bewildered. “Sorry, I’ll go.”

He doesn’t know why he says that. There’s no way he can move given the situation he has to deal with under the table. Shame has him glaring at the tabletop as he berates himself for not thinking. Of course he can’t go, he can’t just walk through the firehouse with a tent in his uniform pants like it’s normal to have steamy dreams about your best friend at work. He’s relieved when, out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Hen wave off his suggestion.

“Don’t worry about it, Bobby’s nearly done with dinner so you might as well stick around now that you’re awake. Unless you want to go to the bunk room and drag Buck out of bed.”

Eddie cringes at the thought. The idea of seeing Buck in bed after the dream he just had is more terrifying than exposing his boner to the entire station. He doesn’t think he could face him right now without dying of embarrassment. Hen regards him skeptically and Eddie realises too late that his reaction may have been a little revealing. Her looks turns to one of suspicion and Eddie winces. 

“I’d rather not,” he says dismissively, “I'm so not awake enough to deal with dragging Buck out of bed.”

The delivery of his half-hearted joke isn’t exactly what anyone would call good, and Hen clearly doesn’t buy his reasoning. She does, however, seem to take pity on him as she pats his shoulder and makes her way to the bunk room without him.

“Mhmm, whatever you say, Diaz.”

Alone with his thoughts, Eddie is boggled by his dream and wondering what’s going on with him.

It’s not like he’s never found a guy attractive before, but he’s never been explicitly  _ attracted to _ a guy. He’s never felt the urge to kiss, grope, or have sex with a guy. And that goes for any guy, let alone his best friend. His head spins faster and faster the more he thinks about it. Trying to decipher the slew of feelings rushing through him only seems to jumble them more. 

He even considers that maybe Buck coming out to him triggered the dream, that maybe it’s some sort of heterosexual ego thing where he’s all of a sudden wondering if Buck is attracted to him. HE quickly shuts down that thought. It doesn’t seem like that’s the case, not to him at least. Though he supposes he could just be telling himself that.

_ No,  _ Eddie thinks and shakes that thought from his head.  _ Stop being ridiculous, Edmundo.  _

To make matters worse, the voice in his head sounds suspiciously like his abuela. As if he wasn’t mortified enough, now his grandmother is calling him out in his head while he hides his boner at work. Fantastic. 

Still, Eddie agrees with the mental scolding. He refuses to play this off as some sort of ego trip. Hell, his dick is still rock hard under the desk, that’s not ego, that’s arousal. No, there’s no possible way to denying that he’d enjoyed the dream on a far more physical level. One that goes beyond just his ego. There’s no denying how much he’d wanted Buck, or how much that desire still courses through him now that the dream has faded to reality.

And as Buck emerges from the bunk room behind Hen, looking rumbled and adorable, there’s no denying that the attraction is still there as it urges Eddie to reach out for him. 

There’s also no denying that this feeling is familiar. It’s what he feels almost every time he looks at Buck, Eddie realises, he’s just never had to put a name to it before. But now that he’s aware of it, it’s all he can think about. He’s attracted to Buck. He wants Buck. He might even love him.

Fuck, he’s screwed.

Eddie can’t look Buck in his eyes during dinner and flees half way through. Murmuring a flimsy excuse about needing more sleep, he skulks from the room with the persistent thrumming of his thoughts battering against his skull. It seems now that he’s acknowledged these feelings, they won’t leave him alone. A dam of oblivious denial has broken and a crashing wave has been unleashed to devour him. 

Buck is all he can think about as he flops against a bed in the bunk room and throws the sheet over his face. It’s not until he smells a familiar cologne against the sheets that he realises it’s the bed Buck had been sleeping in. He groans in frustration but doesn’t move, and he refuses to think too hard about why that is. 

He doesn’t manage to fall asleep. Honestly, he hadn’t expected to with the mess in his head. He is so lost in thought that he might as well be though, as he fails to hear the door open and close behind him. Before he is even aware of Buck’s presence, a hand settles on his shoulder and shocks him from his mind. 

“Eddie, are you okay?” Buck asks hesitantly. Eddie doesn’t mean to, but he stiffens under Buck’s hand. He feels terrible when Buck retracts it as if he’s been electrocuted.

“I’m fine,” he lies. He’s a terrible liar.

Buck shuffles nervously and when he speaks again there’s an undercurrent of hurt in his voice.

“Is this because of what I told you earlier?”

Eddie’s sitting up immediately, sheet falling from his face. His hand is already reaching out to Buck before he’s fully turned to face him. When his eyes catch up, he spots Buck’s forearm and wraps his hand around it in the hope of providing reassurance. 

“No, Buck. Not at all.”

Guilt courses through him. He hadn’t even considered how Buck might feel about Eddie’s avoidance so soon after him coming out. He meant what he said earlier, it doesn’t change anything and he never wanted Buck to feel like it has.

“Are you sure? Because, I mean, if the whole cuddling thing was weird after then, I guess-”

“Buck, no,” Eddie’s voice comes out slightly too loud, making them both wince and look towards the door. Buck’s sexuality is far from a secret but Eddie isn’t really in the mood for a prying audience coming in to witness his newfound sexuality crisis. Especially not while trying to assure Buck that it has nothing to do with his sexuality. All without revealing said crisis. 

Damn, that one heated dream is quickly revealing itself to be a glaring complication in his life. 

Eddie feels his head spinning again and he squeezes Buck’s arm, reaching out for the other as he swings his legs until the ground is beneath his feet. It’s a gesture of comfort but he doesn’t know which of them he is trying to comfort. Eddie finds himself more centred as he holds on to Buck and he hopes the other man can take some comfort from the gesture too. Meeting Buck’s eyes, he sees confusion but thankfully no more of the worried sadness he’d heard in his voice.

“Okay, so what’s up with you then? You were fine before I went to sleep.”

“Of course I was,” Eddie agrees, “you being bi has no effect whatsoever, okay? You’re still just Buck, annoying as ever.”

“I thought I was awesome?” Buck counters teasingly, with a single raised eyebrow.

“No, you said I was awesome. I agreed.”

“That’s not how I remember it,” Buck sings smugly and nudges Eddie’s knee with his shin. 

Eddie looks up at him with a smile and narrowed eyes before they close completely as he lets out a relieved laugh. The tension bleeds from the room immediately and Eddie lets out a sigh when Buck sits next to him and takes one and between both of his own. His eyes follow the movement and his lips form an involuntary smile. He likes the way their hands look together.

“If it’s not that, then what is it? Did something happen while I was asleep?”

“It’s stupid,” Eddie replies honestly. At least, he feels stupid. It’s just his luck to have a sexuality crisis in his thirties over a crush on his best friend. 

“If it’s making you react like this and avoid me then it can’t be that stupid. You can tell me anything too you know.”

When Eddie looks up, their faces are dangerously close. Close enough that he’d only have to lean forwards to place a kiss against Buck’s inviting lips. 

_ Well,  _ Eddie concludes,  _ I don’t think these feelings are going away any time soon. _

He sighs and looks away before temptation encourages him to do something stupid. He can practically feel Buck pouting at Eddie’s avoidance. 

“Eddie, talk to me. I’m here for you, man.”

Man, friend, buddy, all things they call each other. They’re friends. They don’t kiss. They don’t do any of the things his mind conjured up while he was sleeping. So why can’t he stop thinking about them? 

When he looks back at Buck, he pointedly stares into Buck’s eyes and doesn’t dare look anywhere else. Eyes are safe, he doesn’t want to kiss eyes. Although if they were closed…

_ Nope, not going there. Eyes. Safe. Conversation. Concentrate, Eddie.  _

He pours all his focus onto Buck’s eyes. Buck’s open -and therefore unkissable- eyes. They’re very blue. Not a sad blue either, more like a relaxing, clear water kind of blue. Crystal clear, just like his dream. A blue you see on beach resort ads that makes you want to dive right in. 

_ Dammit, Edmundo, stop this nonsense and talk to him! _

“I,” he pauses, floundering for an excuse that doesn’t break everything apart. 

“You what?” Buck asks, leaning closer and rubbing his hand over the back of Eddie’s. Despite his vow to keep looking at Buck’s eyes, Eddie’s gaze drops to watch the way Buck’s thumb strokes over the knuckle of his own. They fit, and it feels right, and Eddie hates that he can’t just have this. 

Why would the universe throw all these feelings at him when he can’t act on them? 

“I had a dream,” Eddie confesses, eyes still lingering on their hands. He hopes Buck just thinks he's hanging his head and not wishing he could lift their joined hands and kiss along Buck’s knuckles. He can’t though. Buck is his friend, just his friend, and discovering his feelings doesn’t mean Buck feels the same. He knows his life could never be that simple. 

“About what?” Buck asks confused, “It must have been bad if it’s got you shook up like this.”

_ Not at all,  _ Eddie’s mind whispers _ , bad is definitely not the word to describe what they did. _

“Yeah,” he agrees anyway, taking the out that Buck unknowingly offered. “Just a bad dream, I told you it was stupid. It just freaked me out a bit, I’ll be alright.”

“Well sitting in here stewing isn’t going to help, Eds. Come and hang out, we can power up the game and have a rematch. I bet you I kick your ass this time.”

The words are so reminiscent of “ _ I could take you _ ” that Eddie’s heart rate ever so slightly quickens. 

He almost says no. Part of him wants to be alone with his thoughts in order to process everything. He thinks maybe being close to Buck will only increase the confusion. He doesn’t want to seem suspicious though, and he has to admit that being around Buck is already making him feel better. So, he allows Buck to pull him to his feet and lead him from the room. 

As they return to the others, Buck still holding onto Eddie’s hand, Eddie spies Hen watching him consideringly. Her stare drops to their clasped fingers and Eddie drops their hold quickly, shooting Buck a smile when he looks back to make sure Eddie is still following. 

As they play, Eddie tries to clear his mind and distract himself with the game. Whatever happens, he knows he needs to be more careful. He can’t let these feelings slip out now that he knows what they are. He can’t ruin his friendship over a stupid crush. 


	3. Day 3 - After a Fight | Soft & Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something wrong with Eddie and Buck is determined to find out what it is before it causes a rift between them.

Buck is concerned. Eddie’s been acting weird for weeks and it’s clear something is on his mind. Something that’s causing him to become frustrated and irritable, and Buck has no idea what it could be. He’s tried asking what’s wrong after those moments after Eddie’s gotten snappy or overreacted, when he apologises profusely and says he overreacted. He never gets an answer though, just a brush off or a flimsy excuse while his eyes tell a whole different story. 

There’s pain in those eyes. 

The first time Buck notices something wrong, Eddie is snapping at him for lifting Christopher onto the couch next to him. Buck dismisses Eddie’s frustration as him wanting to encourage Christopher’s independence. He understands and apologises, expecting it to all be over. But when Eddie snaps back “good”, only for his mouth to twist up into a grimace and sigh an apology straight after, Buck sees his inner conflict. There is annoyance there, yes, but also regret and sorrow that calls for Buck to reach out. Only when he does, Eddie shrugs him off and finds an excuse to leave the room.

Before that, Eddie had been more sarcastic than usual and a little snippy, but nothing like that first argument, so Buck doesn't link it all together. He tells himself that Eddie’s snapping is a one off and that Eddie will sort through whatever was on his mind on his own and be fine. He doesn’t join the dots and realise there’s a bigger issue. 

Not until it happens again three days later.

It is instinct to pull the carton of juice from the fridge and fill Chris’ cup when he asks for a drink, nothing he hasn’t done before. Mundane, typical behaviour. It seems harmless until Eddie walks in mid pour and huffs. Buck’s eyebrows scrunch together but Eddie gives no further reaction. His face is purposely blank. Then Chris leaves the room with his cup in hand and Buck calls after him.

“Be careful not to spill it on the carpet.”

Chris calls back a confirmation that he heard, only a slightly exasperated by Buck’s unnecessary reminder. Eddie, on the other hand, lets out a groan and waits until Chris’ retreating back was out of view before turning to Buck and tossing his arms up in another display of frustration. 

“Seriously?” Eddie asks, “he knows, you don’t need to remind him.”

“I know. Sorry, it just slipped out.”

He expects Eddie to let it go there. After all, he usually wouldn’t even react to Buck’s minor fussing with anything more than an exaggerated eye roll. But Eddie doesn’t drop it. 

“Yeah well, you keep doing it,” he complains, “you treat him like he’s helpless. I mean, pouring his drink, what’s up with that? He can do it himself.”

In that moment, Buck’s heart falls, dragging his face down with it until he’s stood frozen and frowning in Eddie’s kitchen. He stutters out an apology, not knowing what he’s even saying as he’s too baffled by Eddie’s prissy mood. 

Then Eddie’s face is suddenly soured by regret as he apologises profusely. His irritation turns towards himself as he says he’s tired and being stupid. Buck tries to ask what’s wrong, but is met with another vague excuse. Buck doesn't believe him, but again he puts it down to protecting Christopher and he doesn’t press the matter. 

When Eddie comes back they are almost back to normal. The only difference is that Eddie seems to be putting more effort into their interactions, as if he is putting on a facade to hide his discomfort. Buck doesn’t say anything, but he does begin watching Eddie more closely from then on. 

As more days go by, turning into another week, Eddie becomes increasingly snappy and even more easily irritated. Buck begins feeling like every other thing he does is met with some form of critical remark or sarcastic quip. It drains on them both; Buck grows tired of Eddie’s behaviour and the refusal to talk about it, and Eddie becomes more and more agitated.

Still, Eddie refuses to tell Buck what’s wrong even though it’s clear something is eating away at him. He won’t tell anyone. Because of course the rest of the team notice and ask, Carla asks too, and even Chris asks after Eddie accidentally snarks at Buck in front of him. That time Eddie leaves with tears in his eyes, claiming the need to change his shirt. There is nothing wrong with his shirt. 

Despite all this concern, Eddie doesn’t give any indication of what’s wrong. All anyone gets are the same flimsy excuses about a supposedly bad night. Buck calls bullshit but Eddie only rolls his eyes and tells Buck to drop it. So he does, at first. 

Then, after the third time, it becomes a pattern he can’t ignore.

It isn’t unusual for Buck to help Chris with his science homework. Buck always loved science as a kid and continuously found himself searching out more and more facts. Whenever Chris has a science project or homework, Buck is always ready with a fun fact about his given topic. 

Therefore, when he walks into Eddie’s Buck is unsurprised when Chris begins telling Buck about a new project in school and all the research he gets to do. It’s their thing, and Buck is no stranger to Eddie’s aversion to research of any kind. He’s always been more of a hands on guy, more of a ‘try until you find something that works’ type. Unlike Buck, who likes to absorb whatever information he can find on whatever latest topic strikes his interest. Therefore, it made sense for Buck to offer Chris help with his research and save Eddie the trouble of boring himself with it. At least, he thought that it made sense.

Eddie seems to disagree. 

His annoyance sets him off on a rant about Buck interfering. Buck feels guilty, of course he does. Who wouldn’t when their best friend sees their attempt to help as a personal affront to his ability as a parent? Because that’s what Eddie is saying as he stumbled through his nearly incoherent argument while Buck sits silently, wondering where all this is coming from. 

“I’m capable of doing homework with my kid, Buck, I’m not stupid.”

Buck hadn’t meant to make him feel stupid and hearing that Eddie feels that way has his heart in his throat. He doesn’t know what to do or say, so he settles for stepping forwards and pulling Eddie into his arms. Eddie freezes up, so Buck tightens his hold and murmurs reassurances that he hadn’t meant to make Eddie feel bad. 

Eddie shakes slightly in his arms before pulling away with tears in his eyes and apologising right back. 

“I-shit, I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I said that. Seriously, Buck, I know you were just trying to help. I swear I’m not even mad, not now, and I don’t know why I reacted like that.”

It’s like a flip has been switched and again, pain, regret and guilt are as clear in Eddie’s eyes as the different shades of green and brown, all mixing together into a picture of badly disguised self-hatred. He still has no clue what’s wrong, but he decides he’s done with letting Eddie brush off his mood swings as nothing.

“Eddie, what’s going on-”

“Nothing,” Eddie insists, “I’m just overreacting. Guess I got a little jealous that he wanted your help and not mine. I’m good though, I hate all that stuff anyway. Really, I’m glad you’re helping him. Speaking of, he’s waiting for us, we’d better go.”

Buck sighs as Eddie turns quickly and walks swiftly from the room as if barely resisting the urge to run. Buck doesn’t even get the chance to react. By the time he makes sense of Eddie’s stilted apology he’s already alone in the room. 

That’s it, he decides, he’s not letting this go any more. Something is visibly wrong and not just because Eddie is a bad liar. His actions, his words, the way he’s been getting worked up over things he’s never had an issue with before, it’s all pointing to Eddie struggling and Buck isn’t about to let him struggle in silence. 

He waits until Christopher is in bed to bring it up. Not that he has much choice seeing as Eddie ensures they’re never alone together at any point in the evening. His avoidance is telling and he clearly knows Buck isn’t going to let this go until he discovers what’s wrong. 

Once Chris is in bed, Eddie insists they finish the movie and gently shushes Buck whenever he tries to speak. He’s growing more and more anxious towards the end, his fingers gripped tightly around the neck of his beer bottle while his knee bounces rapidly. When it’s finally over, Eddie stands and walks towards the kitchen while asking Buck if he wants another beer. It takes him much longer than it should to get them and Buck is about to follow him before he sees him coming back through the door. 

When he hands Buck the open bottle and sits down, he opens his mouth to speak, no doubt hoping to avoid the conversation he knows is coming. Buck is quicker at getting his words out and cuts him off before he can try to distract Buck with small talk.

“Eddie, what’s wrong?”

A sigh. Shuffling sounds caused by Eddie’s clothes rub against the couch cushions as he slumps in his chair. Another sigh.

“Nothing.”

“You’re a bad liar. Something is up, Eddie, you haven’t been yourself.”

“I’m not-”

“No, you are lying.” Buck is holding nothing back, he’s sick of Eddie holding everything in until he bursts. “You get frustrated at the smallest things, you’re irritable and on edge. You’ve been snapping and overreacting about things you wouldn’t normally give a damn about. I’m not the only one who has noticed, Eddie, and none of us are buying your excuses. No one has as many sleepless nights as you claim and still has so much energy. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’re overworking yourself in the gym, my guess is it’s to distract yourself from whatever’s going on in your head.”

Eddie leans forward during Buck’s speech until his hands are clasped in between his knees. His elbows rest on either thigh, his hunching towards the floor, and his head hanging between them. 

“I don’t know what to say, Buck. It’s nothing,” he tries again. Buck is the one who lets out a heavy sigh this time. Heavy enough, apparently, that it weighs Eddie down more and he drops his head lower to run his hands through his hair.

“Eddie it’s clearly not nothing. Whatever this is has been chipping away at you and I hate seeing-”

“Dad? Buck?”

Both men snap to attention, immediately looking towards the door. Christopher stands there with his hands fiddling at the hem of his pyjama shirt as he looks between the two with a frown on his face.

“Hey, did we wake you?” Eddie asks, his voice turning light and encouraging. He sits up and holds out his arm for Christopher to slip beneath and he shuffles further into the room to do just that. Christopher shakes his head and leans into Eddie once he’s seated comfortably between them on the couch. 

“I had a bad dream,” he admits and Eddie wraps his other arm around him and holds him even tighter. Buck feels like his heart is breaking as he watches them, hating the way Christopher looks so vulnerable curled into Eddie’s side like that. Eddie also frowns at the sight, clearly not liking whatever Christopher’s face is giving away. 

“Okay, do you want to talk about it?” 

Eddie’s eyes flit to Buck as he asks the question as if expecting a reaction. Buck’s answering smile is tight with confusion. 

Eddie was just as open to talking about Buck’s feelings after the dream he’d had as he is with Christopher right now. He’d even spoken about his own feelings later that day, not as openly as he had with Buck’s feelings, but he’d done it. So Buck has to wonder why he is so determined not to talk now. What changed between then and now to make Eddie so closed off about what is going on in his head? 

As Eddie talks through Christopher’s nightmare, Buck finds his mind drifting. He replays everything he can remember between coming out to Eddie and now, trying to figure out if anything could have caused Eddie’s recent stress. He finds no causes, and the only link he can find between Eddie’s recent incidents of hostility and frustration is that it always seems to be directed at him, then flipped onto Eddie himself. Buck can’t help but feel like maybe he’s part of the problem. 

“Alright, let’s get you back to bed.”

“Can’t I stay with you and Buck?” Christopher pleads, breaking into a yawn before he can finish Buck’s name. Buck chuckles, which receives a tired smile from Christopher before he turns hopeful eyes on his dad.

“No, you can’t Buddy,” Eddie denies gently. “You need to get some more sleep before school tomorrow.”

Christopher groans and turns to Buck as if looking for backup. Buck snorts at that, not helped by he affronted disbelief on Eddie’s face as Chris tries to find a way around Eddie’s decision. 

It wouldn’t be the first time he’s recruited Buck to convince Eddie to change his mind on something. Usually it’s about unimportant things so Buck plays along, things like convincing Eddie that they should watch the same movie two nights in a row instead of making him choose a different one. It was never going to work here and Christopher has to know that, but you’ve got to admire the kid for trying. 

“Don’t look at me, Superman,” he deflects, raising his hand with his palms out, “I’m with your dad on this.”

Christopher lets out a dramatic sigh and drawls “fine” before Eddie scoops him up and carries him off to bed. Buck uses the time Eddie is gone to sip at his beer and try to figure out how to get Eddie to open up. 

Once Eddie comes back though, his whole goes out the window head first. He’s quite clearly annoyed again if the stern set of his mouth and militant footsteps are anything to go by. Then Eddie opens his mouth and Buck can’t get a word in edgeways. It’s worse than any of the other times and Buck finds himself shocked still as Eddie goes into a tirade about. 

He’s talking fast and flitting from point to point about Buck making decisions, and something about Christopher and the science museum. Buck can barely keep up, he thinks he knows what Eddie is getting at as he begins piecing it together, but every time he tries to get Eddie to calm down so he can get the full picture Eddie dismisses him and keeps going. 

Buck doesn’t mean to, but he finds himself rising to Eddie’s level until they’re both walking in circles and batting their frustration back and forth like an angry game of verbal tennis. The point gets lost in the cycle and Buck no longer tries to explain the misunderstanding. He just wants Eddie to stop talking and listen. But the more he tells Eddie to stop and that he’s wrong, the more irritated Eddie becomes. 

It’s all spiralling out of control until Eddie throws his hands up in frustration and spits out words that freeze Buck into silence. 

“You don’t get to make decisions about my kid, Buck. You’re not his dad, hell, you’re not even family. You can’t just waltz your way into my home and make promises to my son without consulting me. You had no right!”

All the fight leaves him immediately, his face drooping in resignation. The room is silent, both of them statuesque and huffing as they stare at each other, the weight of their scattered argument pressing down on them. Without the yelling it should be easier for Buck to collect his thoughts but it isn’t. Instead, the howling echo of Eddie’s words blows around his mind and sweeps away everything else. 

_ Not family. _

_ Waltz your way into my home. _

_ No right. _

Each repetition whips through his mind, stinging more and more each time. He didn't know he’d become such a burden. He didn’t realise Eddie felt like Buck was imposing on his life, on his home. Buck’s heart splits in two; half sinks to his stomach like a lead balloon, while the other rises to his throat and attempts to choke him in his own despair. 

He knows Eddie has some reason for his mood swings. He had wanted so badly to find out what was wrong with Eddie and try to help him. But now, faced with another pointless argument, Buck can’t be bothered. He just wants to get out of here before his heart breaks even more.

“Whatever, Eddie. I’m sorry, okay? I made a mistake and overstepped, it won’t happen again,” he mumbles to the floor. At this point, he’s decided it’s just easier to take the hit and hope they can move on. He shakes his head with a sigh as his hands fall heavily at his sides, thinking maybe Eddie will be more willing to talk tomorrow. With one last resentful huff, he sidesteps Eddie to head for the door. 

Eddie releases a breath, sharp and heavy, “Buck, where are you going? We’re not done talking about this.”

It’s the first time Eddie has tried to keep an argument going and Buck has to wonder if it’s because this time he actually means the things he’s saying. He thought they were like family and, despite Eddie’s backtracking backtracking, Buck can’t help but feel like Eddie disagrees. Buck isn’t like family, not even close, and he’ll definitely never be family in the way he wants to be. Eddie will never love him back. It stings and against his better judgement he swings around to face Eddie again. 

“Talking about what, Eddie?” he sputters, hurt evident in the way his voice cracks wetly around the words. “We’re not even talking because you won’t let me! You’ve made your point clear. I’m a fuck up who means nothing to you and your kid, right? Do you want me to stick around just so you can yell at me some more about how much I’m invading your life? I’m good thanks, I get it, message received. I’m getting out of your hair because, quite frankly, I can’t take much more of you while you’re like this. If you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, fine, but don’t expect me to keep letting you take it out on me.”

Eddie reaches out a hand to grasp Buck’s wrist, his hold loose and gentle as if waiting for Buck to pull away. His lips are contorted into a frustrated pout, his brow scrunched in confusion, and his eyes dart around the room as if the walls will give him the words to fix this. 

“Buck that’s not,” Eddie cuts himself off, finally meeting Buck’s gaze. Buck’s surprised to see his own pain reflected amongst the flecks of gold. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Buck shrugs, a failed attempt at seeming nonchalant. 

“Don’t, Eddie. It’s okay, he’s you kid, I’ll stay out of your business from now on, okay? Starting now.”

Despite his best efforts to hide his heartbreak, his hurt must be written all over his face because Eddie moves closer, blocking Buck’s exit with his body as he brings a hand to Buck’s waist. 

“Please,” Eddie’s voice is softer now as he steps further into Buck’s space and tries to catch his eyes again. “Please don’t go. I didn’t mean it, Buck, I swear. I don’t know why I said that. I hate seeing you upset, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He doesn’t really want to go, of course he doesn’t, but he doesn’t want to be where he’s not welcome. He doesn’t want to stay here and be yelled at for something he didn’t do. Apologies hold little weight when there’s no attempt to change. Judging by Eddie’s recent mood swings, it won’t be long until the next petty argument either, rendering it useless unless Eddie stops bottling up whatever has him reacting this way. 

“Just let me go, Eddie, I’m tired. I just want to stop arguing.”

He’s tired of trying to explain and defend himself when Eddie won’t listen, he’s tired of Eddie getting frustrated at him for no reason, and most of all, he’s tired of trying to help when Eddie is dead set on pretending he’s okay. He’s just tired.

“Okay, just, stay? Please, I know I made you upset and I don’t blame you for not wanting to be around me. I just- You’ve been drinking and I know you’d just leave your truck and walk it. I don’t want you walking home like this,” Eddie reasons, “just stay tonight and I promise we can talk about everything tomorrow. I don’t want to keep doing this either, Buck.”

As he chances one last look into Eddie’s eyes he can see the sincerity there and it pauses him in his tracks. It whirls amongst the mix of colours, merging with desperation and regret. Seeing the desperation there, he knows he can’t just walk away and their friendship in tatters, even if only for one night. Buck’s shoulders slump and his head is moving in a jerky nod before he has a chance to change his mind. It feels a little like defeat, but maybe talking tomorrow will help. Whatever’s wrong with Eddie is hurting him too and Buck wants to help him more than he wants to give up. 

“Whatever, Eddie, just promise me it isn’t going to be more of this, I can’t take it. I don’t want to fight with you, I just want to talk this out and help you so we can move on.”

“I promise, no more arguing. We’ll take Chris to school and talk properly and I won’t be an ass again. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I-.”

Buck rolls his eyes. He doesn’t know why Eddie’s been so hotheated the past few weeks either. No one does, because Eddie refuses to accept that something is wrong. 

“I said I’ll stay, you don’t need to keep convincing me. Can we just go to sleep? I really am tired.”

“Y-yeah, of course. I’ll get you pillows and blanket, you remember how to-”

“I know how to pull out the couch, Eddie, this isn’t my first time staying over.”

_ Apparently I’m here too much _ , his mind supplies bitterly. 

“Alright, I’ll be back in a sec.”

Buck doesn’t reply as he turns and starts removing the throw pillows from the couch. Eddie makes an aborted noise, as if he wants to say something more but thinks better of it. He doesn’t try again after that, just stalks silently from the room to collect everything Buck needs to make up his bed for the night. 

When he returns, he hands Buck the pillow and blanket without a word and Buck turns away once they’re in his clutches. Eddie lingers for a moment but when it becomes evident that Buck is through with talking for the night, he murmurs “goodnight” and retreats to his own bedroom. As soon as he’s gone Buck tosses the pillow down on his bed and his body is quick to follow. He’s exhausted, both mentaly and physically, and regret chews at him.

His mind is bogged down with different scenarios playing out in his head. Things he could have done differently or said differently. What might have happened if he’d just explained to Eddie when he’d had the chance instead of giving up and running from the conflict. If he’d just said something, if he’d just stood up for himself, then maybe they wouldn’t have ended the night with the silent treatment. Maybe they’d be okay instead of trying to fall asleep with the promise of waking to the unknown. Tomorrow might just be more of the same and maybe he could have prevented it if he’d just spoken up tonight instead of folding. 

His search for sleep is further disrupted by the sound of Eddie’s snoring as it stretches down the hall and breaks the deafening silence. Clearly the other man isn’t having as much trouble sleeping as Buck is. The repetitive sound is endlessly annoying and obnoxious to Buck’s ears. 

Eddie’s snoring being loud enough for Buck to hear is also likely to mean that he’s left his door open. Knowing Eddie it’s probably so he can listen out to see if Buck changes his mind and leaves, because despite their argument he knows Eddie worries. That annoys Buck more. For one, it’s no use given that Eddie fell asleep first anyway and secondly, it’s just irresponsible. What if there’s a fire? Eddie’s door being open will just make it easier for the fire to spread and get to him. 

Buck presses his lips together tightly, telling himself to just ignore it but the noise persists. He sighs as he gets up and trudges down the hall. Just as he suspected, Eddie’s door is half open. Buck rolls his eyes as he reaches for the handle, grumbling beneath his breath.

“Stupid idiot. Guys a firefighter he should know better.”

Right before he pulls the door closed he catches a glimpse of Eddie laid out across the bed. His feet dangle off the side, one shoe has been placed neatly beside the bed, and the other is upside down beneath his foot as if Eddie had given up half way through. By the way he’s flopped back in his jeans with his hands over his face, Buck would guess that he’d collapsed back against the mattress, too exhausted to even change, before falling asleep. He has to admit, seeing Eddie so disheveled in his sleep makes him feel a little better about his own struggle to find rest. He’s almost smiling when the door clicks shut.

As he makes his way back to the living room, feeling much less agitated, he lets himself hope that tomorrow will be better. Maybe Eddie is just as tired of all this as he is. Maybe this was the last straw and now they can finally talk through what’s going on with him properly. He smiles as he lays down and lets those optimistic thoughts carry him off to sleep. 

* * *

He’s woken up by the sound of soft footsteps. When he opens his eyes, Eddie is making careful steps out of the room.

“What are you doing?” Buck asks, sleep slurring his words.

“Just getting some water,” Eddie replies, holding up his glass.

Buck closes his eyes again with a nod, but he doesn’t hear any more footsteps so he opens them again.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Eddie begins taking tentative steps towards him. Buck watches him and tries to prop himself against the pillows until Eddie reaches the bed and puts a hand on his shoulder, the glass he just was holding somehow having disappeared. “Are you?”

Buck remains silent and nods, his eyes closing again.

“Good.”

When Buck tries to lift his eyelids again then protest and flutter closer. Eddie strokes a hand through his hair and chuckles at the sight. The sound is relaxing and keeps his eyes closed as Eddie whispers “go back to sleep, I’ll try to be quieter.”

Buck closes his eyes again and barely registers Eddie’s words as he let’s himself melt from the gentle massage. He only opens them again when Eddie’s fingers slide from his hair and down to his face for a moment, leaving a tingling path before disappearing completely. He misses the touch and when Eddie shifts to stand, Buck finds his hand reaching out before he can stop himself and takes hold of Eddie’s wrist.

“Don’t stop,” he requests with a pout, tugging lightly until Eddie moves closer. “Stay.”

Eddie smiles softly and allows himself to be pulled until they’re lying side by side. The smile becomes a soft, breathy laugh when Buck lifts Eddie’s hand to his hair and pats his wrist as a silent instruction to continue.

Eddie turns until he’s lying on his side facing Buck, propped up by his arm as he looks down at him. Now his fingers scratch lightly at Buck’s scalp, sending goosebumps across his skin. Eddie uses his thumb to stroke his brow before dragging his fingers all the way through his hair through his hair and down the back of his neck. A blush rises to his cheeks when his head tilts back to follow the movement with his eyes closed and a soft moan of pleasure escapes. 

He’s expecting Eddie to tease him and when he doesn’t Buck opens his eyes to see Eddie staring at him. There’s nothing there but appreciative fondness.

“What are you thinking?” Eddie asks when Buck remains silent.

Buck’s too tired to filter his words as he confesses “I wish we could have this all the time.”

Silence surrounds them at first. Buck grows nervous but he’s quickly distracted by Eddie’s hand sliding down his spine until his palm lays flat against the small of his back. Then Eddie props himself against the pillows Buck finds himself being carefully pulled until he’s snug against Eddie’s side. His ear is over Eddie’s heart and the steady drumming is soothing. So is Eddie’s warmth and the soft rise and fall of his breathing beneath his head. 

“Me too,” he agrees, wrapping his free arm around Buck’s shoulders so that he can reach the short blond strands again. “We should. I don’t see why we can’t.”

Buck sighs, burying his face against Eddie’s chest, “because you don’t want me the way I want you.”

Eddie stops moving. Even his chest stills as Eddie’s breath catches. Buck pulls away and leans up enough to face Eddie, worried he’s said too much.

“Sorry,” Buck mutters awkwardly. Then he realises he’s holding himself up with a hand on Eddie’s chest and lifts to move it away. “I didn’t mean to-”

Eddie places his palm over Buck’s hand, keeping it against his chest, cutting his apology short.

“Don’t,” Eddie pleads, “don’t take it back.”

Buck doesn’t know what to say and the moment stretches on. Surprisingly, it’s far from awkward and Eddie’s mouth lifts into an adoring smile as he scans Buck’s face. Buck doesn’t know what Eddie is looking for, but he seems to find it. The hand at his back urges him closer, Eddie’s other reaching to cup the back of his head. 

They gravitate towards each other until they’re close enough that their foreheads touch. When Buck looks into Eddie’s eyes they’re focussed on his lips and his tongue glides across them on instinct. Eddie gasps softly, his eyes meeting Buck’s as he silently asks for permission. Buck’s mind turns cloudy, unable to focus on anything but the idea of Eddie’s lips against is as he nods slowly.

“Kiss me.”

Eddie’s lips and soft against his own, the kiss starting chaste as they come together. Buck kisses back slowly, following Eddie’s pace. When their lips part Eddie tilts his head so their noses brush together. It’s sweet and unhurried and Buck’s heart feels like it’s fluttering in his chest. 

“I want you too, Buck. We can have this.”

Their next kiss is as unhurried as the first, even as they settle back against the bed and snuggle together. They remain like that, holding each other and sharing lazy kisses, until they both fall asleep. 

* * *

Buck wakes up smiling, both from his pleasant dream and the smell of pancakes wafting into the room. It’s enough to have him clambering out of bed half asleep and stumbling to the kitchen. Eddie is there standing in front of the stove and Buck walks up beside him, slumping against the counter where a cup of coffee waits. He hopes it’s for him because he really wants it

“I knew the smell of pancakes would be the easiest way to get you up,” Eddie teases, “I made you coffee.”

“Yay,” he says quietly, already lifting the cups to his lips. 

Eddie hears it and snorts but Buck pays him no mind until his cup is half empty. Now more awake, nerves start creeping in as he thinks about their upcoming conversation. Eddie is looking at him as little as possible so clearly he’s nervous too. 

“Is Chris up yet?” Buck asks, trying to keep the topic off of them to delay the awkwardness until they’ve dropped him off at school.

Eddie looks from Buck to the clock and back to Buck again with a raised eyebrow, “I sure hope so or I don’t know who I dropped off at the school.”

Following his gaze Buck’s surprised to see it’s almost ten, “damn.”

“Chris tried to wake you up this morning but you just rolled over so we left you asleep,” Eddie informs him as he plates up breakfast. “Don’t tell him I made you pancakes, I told him he couldn’t have any on a school day, he’ll be mad at both of us.”

“Maybe I’ll just save him one,” Buck suggests easily, then grimaces slightly and turns to Eddie. “Sorry, not my decision.”

Eddie frowns and slumps against the counter, “Don’t worry about that. I uh- these pancakes are actually meant to be an apology.”

Buck raises both eyebrows and asks, “apology for what?”

“For accusing you of making decisions about Chris without consulting me and for not listening when you tried to tell me what really happened,” he admits, his fingernails scratching against his jeans, “I spoke to Chris this morning, he told me the full story and not just the sleepy cliff notes. I should have known you said you were going to ask me and not just decided we’d take him to the museum on Saturday. Then I should have let you correct me when I got it wrong.”

“Okay.”

Buck nods, not sure what else to say. He wants to accept Eddie’s apology, but he doesn’t want that to be an excuse not to have the bigger talk they’d agreed on. Eddie distracts himself again by putting their plates on the table and shuffling about in the cutlery drawer before bringing over knives and forks. Buck can almost see the nervous energy around him and figures Eddie hasn’t forgotten about their talk either. Good.

“I’m going back to therapy,” Eddie blurts once they’re seated and eating. Buck pauses with his fork half to his lips, syrup dripping from his pancake to his plate. This isn’t the path he’d expected the morning to take.

“You are?”

“Yeah,” Eddie confirms, “After last night, I know I can’t keep acting like this or treating you like this and I definitely don’t want it to get worse.”

“What is it?” Buck asks, “is something wrong that you don’t want me to know about?”

Eddie shrugs helplessly, mouth twisting as he bites down on his cheeks.

“I just want to know if you’re okay, Eddie. I want to help you,” Buck assures, “if you don’t want to tell me, I’ll accept that. I’m glad you’re getting help either way.”

“I don’t know what it is,” Eddie admits, “I wasn’t lying. I just keep getting frustrated and I don’t know why. I hate it. I feel like I’m losing control of my own emotions and I can’t figure it out. I’m hoping therapy will help me find a reason.”

There are tears in his eyes as he finishes and Buck wants to reach out and hold him until everything’s okay. He knows it’s not logical and that’s not how the world works but he tries anyway as he circles the table to pull Eddie into his arms.

“It’ll be okay. You’ll figure it out and I’ll be here for you, we all will.”

They embrace tightly, Eddie’s face pressed against his shoulder as he shakes from his attempt to hold back his tears. Buck rubs his back, repeating words of comfort until Eddie stops sniffling and pulls away to compose himself. 

“Are you good?” Buck asks. He doesn’t like how Eddie feels the need to hold in his emotions, but this feels like a breakthrough and he doesn’t want to push Eddie for more. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says, “I’m good. Thank you, Buck, for putting up with this and still trying to help me. I love you, man.”

“Always,” he replies. It feels like he’s never meant anything more


	4. Day 4 - On a Dare | Accidental

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie goes to therapy and makes progress, repairing his friendship with Buck along the way. It doesn't stop him wanting more though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day four and I'm still on track with posts XD.   
> Let's see if I can keep it up.

Therapy exposes a lot for Eddie over the next few months. Like promised, he approaches it with an open determination and tries his best to get to the root of his frustration. Not just because he has been getting annoyed with Buck over little things that normally wouldn’t matter to him, but also because he’s worried about letting those frustrations grow and extend to other situations. He wants to understand why he’s been so easily wound up and why he’s been saying things he doesn’t mean to get those suffocating feelings out even though it only makes him feel worse. 

The fight with Buck is fresh in his mind as he walks into Frank’s office for the first of their new sessions, and this time he’s much more prepared to open up. He’s not exactly a fan of the vulnerability that comes with exposing his innermost thoughts and feelings, but his determination and his promise to Buck make it slightly easier, and he does it regardless of the difficulty. Frank has helped him before, despite his initial reluctance, he assumes it can only be easier if he puts more effort into opening up. 

It is definitely still difficult, but from the moment he opens his mouth to work through his problems, he already feels better knowing he’s taking steps towards progress. They don’t get through much in the first session, but over the weeks their conversations delve deeper and Eddie finds himself gradually digging to the root of his emotions with Frank’s help. 

* * *

By their fourth session, Eddie finally allows himself to admit his feelings for Buck to someone else for the first time. It lifts a weight off of his chest that he hadn’t known was there, a fear that’s expelled as Frank simply nods along and leaves Eddie to continue. 

“From what you’ve said,” Frank begins after Eddie’s finished pouring his heart out, “it seems you began experiencing this heightened frustration directly following your realisation that you have feelings for Buck.”

Eddie nods. He hadn’t wanted to make the link but he can’t deny it’s presence.

“After that dream, the one I told you about with Buck, I looked at him and it wasn’t like I saw him differently.” He takes a deep breath, thinking carefully about his words. “It was as if I saw him the same way and only just realised that these feelings have been there. As if I didn’t even consider why I wanted to be around him so much until I knew that he was bisexual. Like that somehow meant I had a chance even though I know he still just sees me as a friend.”

Frank nods his understanding, “I notice you seem frustrated by this. It’s understandable, but this could link to the frustration you’re expressing towards him.”

Eddie frowns, “You think I’m, what? Getting annoyed at him for not loving me back?”

“Not consciously, but it’s possible that your frustration towards yourself and your feelings are contributing to you becoming too easily annoyed by things that you usually wouldn’t.”

“Do you think that’s the problem?”

“I can’t know for sure, Eddie, I can only help you sort through your feelings and point out the possible links between the behaviour you’ve described and your feelings now, as well as events or feelings that may have contributed to it all. Only you can truly know if we’re getting closer to the root.

“There are a lot of maybes to unpack there.” Eddie is skeptical as he wonders how they can possibly find all those answers any time soon. Frank’s next words calm his worries, as he can read Eddie’s mind.

“Well, we have as long as you need to work through it, just know that you’re making progress every day that you spend trying. From what I’ve heard, it seems your friendship with Buck is improving since our sessions.”

That gets a smile out of Eddie. A small one, but a smile nonetheless.

“Yeah, he’s been great. He even stayed over last night to watch Christopher while I came here, which he hasn’t done since our last argument.”

“That’s good. And you haven’t had any more confrontations or-”

“No, I’ve- I’ve gotten frustrated,” he admits the words with a disappointed sake of his head, “but it’s easier to handle now. I explained some of what we’ve spoken about to Buck, obviously nothing to do with my feelings for him, but he’s helping me talk things through more in general.”

“That’s fantastic.”

Eddie smiles again and this time it’s the slightest bit more defined. 

* * *

  
  


By their ninth session, they’re beginning to scratch at the walls Eddie has built up around himself. Walls he already thought he’d knocked down and cleared away. But Frank is perceptive, he picks up on things Eddie himself doesn’t even realise and brings them into light for Eddie to observe and consider.

“It’s fitting that you mention Shannon when you describe the timeline of your feelings,” Frank observes, his stance shifting as he rests his weight on one arm with his chin on his fist. Eddie thinks it’s supposed to appear casual and relaxed, but the words have his own body stiffening. “I also noticed that you brought up Shannon in our session on Thursday too, when we discussed Buck’s role in Christopher's life.”

Eddie relaxes slightly, his tone turning bitter. This, his own stupidity, feels safer to talk about for reasons Eddie can’t explain.

“You mean when we discussed how I unknowingly started including Buck in our lives as if he were my boyfriend before I even realised I had feelings for him? That role?” Eddie asks with a scoff as he stares at the wall. It’s rhetorical, he doesn’t actually need clarification because he’s well aware of his own foolishness, but Frank replies anyway as usual.

“That’s not quite how I would describe it,” Frank says, clearly preparing to add insight. As much as Eddie is convinced by his own words, he can’t help but return his attention to Frank. He wants to know what Frank thinks and hopes it stings less than his own thoughts. 

“I would say that you and your friend mutually fell into the habit of being around each other,” Frank continues, “and that, by proxy, resulted in Buck assuming a somewhat parental role in your son's life to mirror you, without either of you realising. And I wouldn’t say it with the judgement you seem to be regarding yourself with.”

Eddie takes in the words carefully and rolls them around in his mind. He can agree he has been a little hard on himself since realising just how deeply Buck had become ingrained in their lives, but he can’t help but feel he’s justified. He feels foolish to have let Buck so close, welcoming him into such a pivotal role in their lives as if he’s joining their family, when he knows Buck won’t ever fully settle into the space Eddie has carved out for him. He knows it’s not Buck’s fault too. So that only leaves himself to blame. 

Buck is just a friend, and Eddie has been treating their relationship as if Buck is moving in and settling down with him and Chris since long before he’d even put a name to his feelings. He can’t help but judge his own inability to recognise such a momentous development in his life. 

It’s something he needs to talk about with Frank soon, because as much as his main focus is on how he expresses his feelings towards others and situations, Frank had drummed into him the importance of his feelings towards himself. He knows they play a part in what and how he feels towards others too, and he will unpack it. 

For now though, he isn’t quite ready, and so he steers the conversation back to Shannon. The topic feels less daunting when faced with the alternative challenge.

“So what do you mean about Shannon? What does she have to do with my feelings for Buck.”

“You tell me,” Frank says with his hands splayed as he fixes his knowing look on Eddie, “I merely reminded you that you’d mentioned her, you alone connected that to your feelings for Buck.”

Eddie shrugs, not sure what Frank is expecting from the conversation, “Shannon has nothing to do with Buck, they didn’t even know each other. She died long before I knew I had feelings for him.”

“Before you knew?” Frank asks for clarification and Eddie chews on his lip.

“Yeah, I uh- I guess that’s the most accurate phrasing.” Even Eddie is aware of how obvious his avoidance is. 

“You’re deflecting,” Frank observes again. Eddie wishes he’d stop observing. Frank observing leads to Eddie realising things he doesn’t want to face but knows he has to. 

“Feel free to stop me if I’m off the mark, Eddie, but I have a question for you and I’d like you to consider it carefully.” Eddie sits forward at Frank’s words and prepares himself for the question to hit. “Do you think, given that you say you’ve been developing feelings for Buck since before you became aware, that you may have been developing these feelings before Shannon reentered your life?”

Eddie stays silent for a while. Frank said to think it over carefully, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t really have to. The question barrels into him at force and the answer is glaringly obvious to him. After a moment he nods his head slightly.

“I uh- I’ve actually thought about that,” he confesses. Thought, but never allowed himself to consider for too long through fear of the guilt growing stronger. “After I told you about realising my feelings, how it’s like they were always there, I ended up thinking about how far back they go.”

“And?” Frank urges, “what do you think?”

“I think you’re right,” he admits, “and I think I feel guilty about it.”

From then it’s as if a door has been opened, creating a new path through his mind. More and more feelings are freed and evolve, shedding weight from Eddie’s mind. They follow him and make their presence known, especially when he’s alone and staring into the darkness at night. They follow him, but they don’t consume him. They are there and they are persistent. However, now he is forced to think about them, they no longer scrape against his mind trying to claw their way out. Eddie starts to get used to them being there and feels less haunted by them.

With each session he feels himself improving. He feels himself gaining more control of his emotions now that he is beginning to understand them. Like he’s compromising with his own mind, a silent agreement in which him acknowledging them helps him to realise when they’re the driving force behind his snap reaction. He begins finding better ways to let them out. He becomes somewhat eager to talk things through when he walks into Frank’s office. 

* * *

“Now, last week we uncovered a little bit about Shannon, do you think you’re prepared to discuss that more?” Frank asks, tone encouraging, “Maybe we’ll hit a root or two.”

Eddie shrugs, “not really, but also yes. I don’t want it but I know I should. And I think I need to.” 

That gets a rare smile from Frank and Eddie feels accomplished.

“Okay, well, is there anything in particular you’d like to talk about?”

“I-” Eddie’s mouth closer and he swallows, trying to dampen his dry throat, “Do you remember when we spoke about Shannon, before, and how she wanted a divorce?”

They’re his own words, but they send his spine rigid. He can feel himself getting close to uncomfortable territory. His stubbornness apparently know no bounds though, because he pushes through when Frank nods.

“I resented her,” Eddie confesses. It’s not the first time, nor the first time in this room, but it doesn’t get any easier to say. “I think I still do now a little bit. And I feel bad about it because it wasn’t her fault she didn’t love me enough to force our marriage to work. But-”

Frank is patient as Eddie takes three breaths, deep and slow.

“But I think it’s because now I know I liked Buck back then, it’s like, like I ignored that because I wanted her and my old life back.”

“But she didn’t want you back,” Frank concludes, “making you feel somehow betrayed.”

Eddie nods, glad for Frank’s intuition for once and it means he doesn’t have to say the words out loud. He thinks the guilt may eat him alive if he does. 

“Do you think you may relate your unrequited feelings to the emotions you still feel surrounding her death?” Franks asks and Eddie cringes. “The resentment, the feelings of betrayal? In your mind, Buck, much like Shannon, is a person you hold deep affection for.”

Eddie freezes, feeling numb as Frank’s words cut through his thoughts. There it is, the box he hadn’t known he wanted to keep tightly closed until Frank took an axe to the rusted lock. 

Fuck. 

His head shakes, protests on his lips, but it feels sticky on his tongue. No matter how much he wants to open his mouth and deny it, he realises he can’t. The thought of it shakes him to the core and he wants to run but he knows it will follow him. He can’t run from his thoughts, especially when he’s the one that brought them up in the first place. 

“Are you saying part of the reason I’ve been so irritable with Buck lately is because I’m being petty about him not loving me back? That’s horrible, he can’t, that can’t be it.”

“As I’ve said, I can’t tell you what you feel, not really, but it certainly seems like that’s what you were getting at. Do you think that’s the reason?”

“That can’t be it. It can’t just be that, that’s, it’s ridiculous. Isn’t that ridiculous?” 

It’s not a sure denial and they both know it. 

“If that were the case I would have to object,” Frank insists, “It’s not ridiculous to feel a certain way. You can’t generally help how you feel, least of all when you’re unaware of these feelings. Though, if you believe there’s more to it, then I’m certain you’re right. You know your own mind, Eddie, you just need that moment of clarification to bring it to the surface sometimes.”

Frank’s words are met with silence again. There’s a niggling thought in the back of his head, like a loose thread. He wants to pull at it but fears what it will release. Evidently, the one thought itself is enough to have Eddie sniffling as his eyes begin to water. 

Fuck it, he decides, I’ve come this far.

“Shannon wanted a divorce and she died,” he repeats, listing it off on his fingers in an attempt to organise everything rattling around in his brain, “and I felt guilty for being mad about the divorce. But, I was mad at her either way.”

“What do you mean?”

“It wasn’t just the divorce. She came back into our lives, asked me to be in Christopher’s again and I let her. When she asked for a divroce I was upset, of course I was, but at the end of the day I knew it wasn’t working. We weren’t going to work. But instead of admitting it I let myself be mad at her for wanting to leave me again. But when she died-”

Eddie chokes around the words and Frank leans forward with a tissue already in hand. Eddie grabs it and wipes at his eyes, staring out of the window as he continues.

“She died and I had to tell our son that she was gone. I let her back in his life, he had his mother back just like he wanted. Then she was gone, just like that.”

“So you were mad at Shannon for leaving Christopher when she died?” Frank seeks clarification. 

Eddie’s response isn’t so clear; he nods his head, lips tight together, then scoffs at himself and shakes his head. Frank’s eyes scrunch together and he goes to set down his clipboard. Eddie’s crying, Frank is putting down his pen, and Eddie knows Frank is going to suggest they finish early. He can’t allow himself to take the out, though, he’s determined to keep pulling that thread until it all makes sense.

“No,” he denies, “I was mad at myself. I couldn’t save her, no one could, I know that. But I let her back into Chris’ life at the exact moment the universe decided to take her away completely. If I’d just waited, or said no, he wouldn’t have had to lose a parent permanently. At least when she was just gone there was hope he’d see her again.”

“But he did see her again,” Frank states, “and I’m not claiming to be an expert in this particular scenario, but I think it probably meant a lot to both of them that they got to have that.”

Eddie nods, “I know that logically. So why can’t I get over it?”

“Because you’re in pain, Eddie. Pain isn’t always logical.”

Eddie actually laughs at that as he raises a hand to gesture to his face, “yeah, I noticed.”

“Do you want to stop here? Maybe pick this up another day.”

“Yeah,” Eddie confirms, “can we talk about something else though? Not about her death, but-”

Walking down this path any longer will only cause damage. He’s learned enough to recognise when he needs a break. He doesn’t want to avoid feelings completely though, especially when leaving now will mean the topic will most likely get stuck in his brain all day and drive him crazy.

“We can talk about whatever you want, Eddie, it all helps.”

Eddie knows he’s making progress when he nods agreeably. Talking does help, which is exactly why he wants to get something else off of his chest.

“When Buck and I had our argument, it was a misunderstanding like I told you. I thought about it, though, a lot, and it was like- almost like I wasn’t just mad at the misunderstanding. I realised Chris asked Buck for something that’s my job. A parents job. And I know that the whole plan was to involve me, but at the time I was under the impression that Buck just agreed and made the decision.”

“A parents decision.”

“Yeah.”

“So we’re back to Buck’s role within your family.”

Frank is good at keeping neutral, but Eddie thinks maybe he sounds slightly smug even as his face remains impassive. He wouldn’t be surprised, at this point he’s sure Frank is taking bets on how often he brings up Buck seeing as their sessions are the only time Eddie feels free to talk about his love for his best friend.

“Do you think I was, maybe, mad because Buck was there and Shannon can’t be?”

“No,” Frank supplies, “Honestly, I think if that were the reason, you wouldn’t have to ask me.”

“Then why did I say those things to push Buck away?” Eddie asks desperately, wishing it would all make sense. “It’s not like I was jealous, I know I’m Chris’ dad. I don’t even care if Buck does stuff for him, he’s great with Chris.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Frank suggests. “Maybe it links back to your feelings towards Buck more than the actual reason for the argument. Like you just said before, you were getting annoyed over things you normally don’t anyway, and you just admitted to pushing Buck away. Maybe focus on why you did that.”

Eddie didn’t even realise he’d said those words until Frank says them back, then all of a sudden it’s all he can think about. He’d pushed Buck away. Buck was getting close, in his house, eating dinner together, watching movies. He’d been there like always, Eddie’s best friend, like family. Except he isn’t family. He isn’t ever going to be Chris’ parent. He ain't ever going to be anything but Eddie’s friend. 

“I wasn’t just frustrated at Buck for not feeling the same, or at Shannon for, well, anything any more, not really,” Eddie realises, words falling from his lips as soon as they sink into his head, “I was pushing Buck away because I couldn’t deal with him not loving me. Because-”

“Because?”

“Because the last person who didn’t love me left for good.”

The words fall out with a heavy puff of air that has Eddie’s shoulders drooping. 

“But Shannon didn’t choose to leave,” Frank reminds. 

“No she didn’t,” Eddie nods along, “but Chris suffered anyway. If Shannon hadn’t died, she’d still have been there for Chris. She was his mom, she wanted to be there. But Buck-”

“Buck’s not his mom.”

Tears prickle at his eyes and spill over slowly, “Exactly, Buck doesn’t have to be there for Chris after he’s found someone to spend his life with. Chris would lose him and this time it really would be my fault because I let it happen. I’d be at fault for getting too close.”

It’s ridiculous to his ears but it doesn’t stop his heart from hurting. It’s just like Frank said, pain isn’t always logical and the fact that it seems stupid shouldn’t mean he pushes keeps it down.

“But do you really think he would?” Frank asks solemnly. “Now that you know why, and you know where it stems from, do you really think that one specific scenario you have in the back of your mind is how this is guaranteed to play out.”

“No,” Eddie breathes, meeting Frank’s eyes for the first time since they started shedding tears. “No, he loves Chris and he’s my best friend. He wouldn’t want to leave us any more that Shannon did, no matter what.”

Frank sets his pen and clipboard on the table then leans towards Eddie with his arms resting on his knees.

“I think we may have just made another breakthrough.”

* * *

Eddie feels lighter in the days after his realisation. Having his feelings out in the open helps him work through them in the therapy sessions that follow. Over time, he gets better and his friendship with Buck returns to a place that almost mirrors what they had before Eddie’s dream. It’s a relief and Eddie is glad to have his mind feeling less jumbled and confused. 

It means that now, as he sits on Buck’s couch, he feels relaxed when Buck sits close to him and hands him an open beer. His smirk is teasing as he snorts at Eddie before turning to face him.

“Eddie, chill out, he’ll be fine,” Buck says confidently, placing a hand on Eddie’s knee to still his anxious jiggling. Eddie’s throat turns dry for a second until Buck removes his hand. It’s only a casual touch but Eddie misses it as soon as it’s gone. 

“I know he’ll be fine,” Eddie says, “at least the rational part of me does.”

“Then what’s the problem,” Buck asks, all traces of mocking gone. “Something is clearly up or you wouldn’t be here trying to distract yourself from it.”

Eddie looks at Buck and scoffs, “have you been talking to Frank?”

Buck’s constant encouragement for Eddie to be open about his feelings feels eerily similar to the many conversations he’s had with Frank about trying not to keep things bottled up. Eddie would be lying if he denied how much Buck’s perceptiveness worried him. If Buck can read him this clearly and figure out somethings wrong, then what else will he be able to decipher about Eddie’s feelings as they reveal themselves and evolve?

“Nope, but I have been watching you sit on the edge of my couch, staring at your phone and practically crawling out of your skin. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out it’s linked to Christopher’s sleepover seeing as you dropped him off and came straight here.”

Buck looks smug as he finishes his explanation and Eddie lifts his beer to his lips. Thanks to therapy, he can acknowledge that it warms his heart to be reminded of how well BUck knows him. He can also admit he’s a little annoyed about it. So what if those feelings conflict with each other, sue him, they’re valid. 

“Do you want to talk about it, or do you want a distraction?”

The latter, definitely, but he knows he shouldn’t hold his feelings in. The last time he bottled up all his feelings, he’d ended up hoarding frustration and unleashing it on Buck in petty arguments. He definitely doesn’t want to do that again, it has done nothing to make him feel better in the past. That thought, and his newfound appreciation for talking about his feelings, have him opening up instead. 

“I feel like he’s growing up so fast,” Eddie confesses, “Not too long ago he’d never been to a sleepover and was nervous about his first one, now he’s begging me to let him stay with his friends nearly every weekend.”

“I’m pretty sure every parent goes through that, Eds.”

“I know, but I never have before.” He’s pouting and Buck lets out a short laugh, “I’m kinda worried about him too.”

“He’ll be fine, Eddie. He’s not going to suddenly be too cool for his dad just because he’s spending the night at a friends house,” Buck assures him. Eddie snorts and Buck continues on with his teasing, “And he’s not growing up that fast. It’s not like he’s sneaking to parties to play truth or dare at parties. At least not yet.”

Eddie groans at the “yet” and Buck laughs. 

“Not yet or ever,” Eddie denies.

“You keep telling yourself that man.” Buck practically sings the words and Eddie shoots daggers from his eyes. “What? It’ll happen eventually, everyone does it.”

“I didn’t,” Eddie counters, causing Buck to look at him skeptically.

“You never snuck out?” Buck asks. “Never lied about where you were going?”

“I didn’t say that,” Eddie admits reluctantly. Buck’s chuckle is one of triumph and wants to roll his eyes. “I’ve just never played truth or dare.”

That shocks Buck out of his laughter as he scans Eddie’s face. Eddie assumes he’s looking for signs of a lie. He’s not going to find any.

“You’ve seriously never played truth or dare!” Buck exclaims, practically yelling when he concludes Eddie is telling the truth.

“Nope, I just never saw the point.”

Buck scoffs. “Dude, truth or dare is basically a right of passage.” 

Now Eddie does roll his eyes.

“I’m serious, Eds. Hell, my first kiss was during a game of truth or dare.”

“Oh God,” Eddie groans. “That explains so much.”

“Hey!” 

Eddie only snorts at Buck’s affronted look and raises his beer to his lips again with a shake of his head.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Maybe so,” Buck agrees, much to Eddie’s amusement. Then Buck’s sheepish look turns to a cheeky grin as he winks, sending heat up the back of Eddie’s neck. “I got you to stop being so anxious though.”

The statement is punctuated by Buck’s hand patting Eddie’s thigh before he uses it as leverage to stand. His hand slides down to Eddie’s knee before he straightens up and walks over to the tv. 

“Now, what movie do you want to watch?”

Eddie is silent for a moment, trying to find his voice as his heart begins to race. The path of Buck’s hand feels hot, as if Buck’s fingers had directly seared his skin rather than skimming across the denim of his jeans. 

He eventually finds his voice, and his heart rate calms as Buck settles beside him and the movie begins to play. He relaxes, everything returning to normal around him as they go about their evening. It’s not until he returns home that night to an empty house that he lets himself think about the effect of Buck’s hands on him and how easily he’d brightened up his afternoon. 

* * *

  
  


Eddie can’t recall how the game started. In fact, he can’t remember much about the party at all, only that they’re playing an intensely competitive game of truth or dare and he’s in too deep to back out now. He knows, logically, that he could say no. There’s no shame in resisting a childish challenge. And yet strangely, he doesn’t want to. It probably has something to do with the empty glasses and bottles littering the table in front of them. That would also explain why he doesn’t remember ever starting the game. 

“Did you hear me, Eddie? I said-”

“I know exactly what you said, Chim.”

“So what’s the hesitation for, huh?” Chimney taunts with a feline smirk, sure that he has bested Eddie and found something he won’t do. “Are you too chicken? Have we finally found the dare to end your streak?” 

Again, it’s childish and insignificant. He could brush Chimney off easily. Normally, he would but he doesn’t seem to be completely himself as he scoffs and raises his eyebrows. Or at least, not a version of himself he lets out very often. 

“Nope, I’m good,” he shrugs, surrounded by an air of indifference, “it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve kissed a guy.”

It’s a bold statement considering he’s never openly mentioned his sexuality before now. It’s also a lie, but nobody needs to know that. He has the confidence of a man who has done this before so it's basically the same thing. Well, not really, but Eddie doesn’t care. 

Predictably, it shocks Chimney into silence, his mouth dropping open. Hen, who he suspects has figured out his feelings for Buck by now, chokes on a laugh at the gobsmacked look on Chim’s face. Even Bobby, who has been staying out of their antics and shaking his head at their ridiculousness throughout the game, visibly tilts his head in surprise and raises an eyebrow. Athena and Maddie had walked away from the game not long after it started, renouncing their involvement before it got “too ridiculous”. 

He’s just as bold as he turns on his heel and heads towards where Buck is sitting, crossing the room quickly with confidence in his stride. That confidence only increases as he gets closer to where Buck, who is leaning back into the couch, facing away from Eddie, as he stares intently at the tv screen with the controller held tight in his grip. It’s the kind of self assurance he’s always wished he could feel in Buck’s presence. It seems odd for him to be so calm and collected considering what he’s about to do.

Normally, he’d be nervous at the thought of kissing Buck. He’d freeze up and try to talk his way out of it through fear of Buck discovering his feelings. Now though, he’s brave and bold, and with those feelings comes relief. It feels good to not be afraid of how he acts with Buck, his usual tendency to overthink being overtly absent. To just move freely and know for sure, in both his heart and mind, that his actions aren't going to tear apart their friendship. 

Of course he’s not going to lose Buck by kissing him on the cheek for a dare, so of course he doesn’t worry. What could go wrong?

Nothing. He’s just a guy, kissing his very understanding friend on the cheek for a dare. Nothing could possibly go wrong. 

Buck’s back is still turned to him, distracted, when Eddie reaches him. Despite his sudden burst of courage, he is still surprised at his own lack of hesitation. He’s leaning towards Buck as soon as he reaches him, his chin brushing the other man’s shoulder as his lps aim for the sharp line of Buck’s cheekbone. 

“Hey, Eds, you wanna pla-” 

Buck’s sentence is cut off with a startled hum as Eddie’s lips make contact, only he’s not kissing Buck’s cheek. Nope, those are definitely lips. He freezes in place, his confidence washed away as his mind starts plotting out his explanation. 

It’s an accident, obviously. He’ll just explain. Buck will understand, it’ll be fine. 

He’s so busy planning out his defense that he doesn’t register the pleased hum that follows Buck’s surprise, nor the way Buck’s lips move easily against his own. If he had, he would have stayed there and let their mouths mould together. He would have focussed on enjoying the kiss and not how he’s going to explain it away. He wouldn’t have pulled away with his apology already falling from his lips. 

However, he doesn’t realise, and he does pull away. He even fails to notice the way Buck twists his neck further in a failed attempt to chase his lips. 

“Buck, I am so sorry. It was a dare, I swear I wasn’t meant to-”

“So, you didn’t come over here to kiss me then?” Buck asks, cutting him off. Eddie’s eyebrows furrow at the question. Is that disappointment he hears?

“Well, I did technically come here to kiss you. Not your lips though.”

“Not my lips,” Buck says incredulously, “but you did want to kiss me.”

“Exactly,” he agrees automatically. Then he freezes. Shit, that’s not the explanation he was supposed to be going with. “I mean, I was dared to. So I came here because of that.”

Buck raises an eyebrow as Eddie backtracks, the words coming out too stuttered to be believable. Suddenly, Eddie is cursing ever shred of confidence he’s ever had. If only he’d just hung back and been too nervous. If only he wasn’t so quick and sure when he’d answered, maybe he would have realised his slip up in admitting he’d actually wanted to kiss his best friend. 

Eddie sighs and droops his head between his forearms as they rest against the back of the couch. Buck shifts until he’s kneeling to face Eddie, his hands lifting to Eddie’s shoulders and rubbing soothingly as he dips his head to catch Eddie’s gaze.

“Eddie, forget the game. Forget whatever is going on in your head right now.” 

Eddie thinks it’s easier said than done, but his mind contradicts him. Buck’s words somehow, miraculously, seem to have cleared away all his anxieties as he stares into buck’s hypnotising eyes. It’s not until he’s already lost in them that he realises he’s found the nerve to even look at them, and he’s pleasantly surprised by what he finds swimming within. Rather than the pity he’d expected, he finds nothing but encouragement and hope. 

“Now,” Buck says seriously, “do you want to kiss me?”

The question sends a thrill through Eddie’s body, warming him up from the inside as his attention drifts down to Buck’s lips. They’re graced with a gentle smile, kind and honest as if he himself is the one about to let a sweet admission fall from his lips. Because that’s what Eddie does, of course, he can’t lie to Buck like this. He doesn’t want to. He wants to take the risk.

“Yeah,” he admits, “I want to kiss you.”

“So do it,” Buck instructs, tilting his chin up invitingly, tongue flicking out to wet his bottom lip. Eddie tracks the movement, unable to look away.

“You want me to kiss you too?” The words float out with a single breath, full of astonishment and disbelief.

“I didn’t want you to stop kissing me the first time.”

“But,” Eddie bites his lip nervously, “it was a dare, aren’t you annoyed? Hell, if you hadn’t turned your head, I don’t know if I ever would have kissed you like that in the first place.”

“Well then I’m glad for the happy accident,” Buck teases, his smile turning to a teasing grin. “In fact, I dare you to kiss me again.”

“Well, since it’s a dare,” Eddie jokes back with a grin of his own. 

Buck laughs and Eddie can’t resist any longer. Without a second of hesitation, he leans forward to capture Buck’s joy against his lips and hold it in his memories forever. As he does so, he blinks his eyes closed.

* * *

They open again all too quickly, and Buck is nowhere in sight. Instead, all he sees is the world through his closed window, seeming brighter today as his dream lingers behind his eyes. Three birds are sitting on his windowsill, twittering behind the glass, muffled by the barrier but still loud enough that Eddie hears their cheerful tone. For the first time in weeks, he allows himself to nuzle back into his pillow and enjoy the pleasant feeling that wraps itself around him. 

As he drifts off to sleep, he may or may not be hoping to finish off his dream.


	5. Day 5 - Hot & Sexy | Domestic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck has a hot & sexy dream about Eddie before going to the zoo with he and Christopher 
> 
> It's a good day until it isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for the following tags:  
> "Major character Injury", "Hospitals", "Hurt Buck", "Non-Graphic Violence" & "Stabbing"  
> Please see the fic end notes if you'd like more details about the events they refer to.
> 
> Also, this chapter is dedicated to Katie and her timezone, without which this chapter would be late XD  
> As long as it's Friday somewhere it counts ; )

Eddie and Christopher’s happiness is a perfect harmony of light, excited giggles and deep chuckles of amusement. It fills him with enough warmth to rival that of the bubbly water he’s using to wash the plate in his hand. He loves this, being in Eddie’s house with him and his son, spending the evening together. He smiles as he places the plate on the drying rack and reaches for another, scrubbing away as he listens to the light laughter drifting down the hall.

Buck is so distracted in his cloud of domestic fantasy that he doesn’t notice the sound of Eddie’s approaching footsteps until the other man is right behind him and calling out his name.

“Hey, is Christopher ready?”

“Yeah, I was just coming back to do the dishes but it seems you beat me to it.” Buck smiles and shrugs dismissively in response to Eddie’s eyebrows, ignoring the way they’re narrowed and full of accusations. It’s an argument they’ve had before, and Buck already knows what’s coming. “You don’t have to do that, Buck. You shouldn’t be cleaning up after me in my own house.”

Buck just smirks and throws Eddie a raised eyebrow over his shoulder, “you don’t seem to mind me cooking for you in your house. Drop the wholesome host act, Eds, we both know I hardly count as a guest at this point.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. But the fact that you cooked is even more reason for you not to clean, at least let me do something.”

“You are,” Buck tosses back, “you’re giving Chris his bath and getting him ready for movie night. So go back to your son and leave me to clean in peace.”

Eddie scoffs and Buck can feel the tension of a challenge in the room. Eddie, predictably, isn’t backing down that easy. Buck’s words only make him more determined to stop Buck from completing the chore. 

Words having failed him, Eddie resorts to reaching for the plate himself, his arms sliding around Buck’s waist as he makes a grab for it. Buck laughs and tries to push Eddie back with his hips to stop him from reaching for it, but Eddie counters by pressing him up against the counter, his chin somehow resting on Buck’s shoulder despite Buck being the taller of the two. Reaching his hands into the water and covering Buck’s, Eddie tries forcibly prying Buck’s fingers from around the plate.

“You’re being ridiculous, Eddie. Get off me,” he laughs, trying to shuffle out of Eddie’s hold. Eddie is stubborn and skilfully deflects his attempts. 

He gets one of Buck’s hands off of the plate and brings their joined hands out of the water, holding them around Buck’s waist while he tries to remove the plate completely from Buck’s other hand. 

“Just let it go. You’re so stubborn.”

Buck reels his head to the side to stare at Eddie in disbelief. The audacity of this man is astonishing.

“I’m stubborn? Eddie, you’re literally fighting me over a plate like a child. Is this the example you want to set for Christopher.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Christopher isn’t even here.”

“Oh that makes it so much better,” Buck replies sarcastically. “So you admit your behaviour isn’t setting a good example.”

“Nope, I would want Christopher to make sure you weren't doing all the work too,” he counters, poking his tongue out. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Buck states as he finally frees his hand from Eddie’s and continues trying to scrub the plate while Eddie continues to pull on it. It’s already clean, but he knows as soon as he places it on the drying rack, Eddie will manage to worm his way between Buck and the sink, so he’s waiting for Eddie to give up and leave him be.

Eventually, Eddie let's go as planned and Buck smirks at his own success. 

He’s so preoccupied with self-satisfaction that he fails to realise Eddie’s hands are still on his waist. Though part of that is also to do with Buck enjoying the feel of Eddie’s firm body resting against him. Eddie’s other hand joins the first until his fingers are linked across Buck’s stomach and holding him close. He leans back into the touch, taking comfort in the way Eddie surrounds him. 

Then, Eddie’s hands split up, moving simultaneously. The right travels upwards over his shirt, his palm flat as it slides over his abs and towards his chest. The other heads south, fingers curled, and he drags his knuckles over Buck’s lower abs before uncurling at the hem of his shirt. His fingers sneak beneath it and trail lightly along the waistband of his sweats causing heat to burn at his neck, both from Eddie’s heated breath and the flush that rises. 

He drops the plate with a sharp gasp. 

Foamy white bubbles fly up from the sink as the water splashes out and lands on the front of his shirt. Buck jerks back in surprise, but Eddie is a firm wall behind him and he can't move far. His shirt sticks to his skin uncomfortably and begins dripping to his sweats, causing Buck to groan as he bats Eddie’s hands away and throws his head back in frustration. When it lands on Eddie’s shoulder, he only keeps it there for a few more seconds than intended.

“Seriously, Eddie? Those are dirty tactics, I don’t have any other shirt here,” he whines, pulling at the material and feeling the cool evening air against his damp skin. 

He turns with a glare, shirt still stretched away from his skin, so that Eddie can experience the full force of his displeasure. However, when he finds himself eye to eye with Eddie, their noses almost touching, he freezes in place, mouth opened for a complaint that catches in his throat. 

“Oh no,” Eddie exclaims, the short phrase thickly coated in insincerity. His face is a mask of pure innocence that quickly drops to reveal a devilish smirk as he says “I bet that’s pretty uncomfortable.”

“Yeah.” 

Buck’s voice, even though he’d meant to express his annoyance, sounds breathless to his own ears. So much so that he’s not sure Eddie’s heard it until he steps closer, one leg slipping between Buck’s as he brushes their noses together. 

Knuckles drag across his naked skin again, causing a shiver that has nothing to do with the air. It pulls a shaky sigh from his lips, which stay parted as Eddie’s hands creep higher until they’re resting beneath his shirt. They don’t stop there, and the shirt is lightly tugged from his own slack fingers until it falls against his abs and begins leaving a damp trail as Eddie lifts it up his chest.

“So how about we take it off?”

His hands hover uselessly in the air before drifting down to rest against Eddie’s waist. Eddie’s movements have stilled, his eyes questioning, and Buck gets lost in their heat before finally nodding. With that permission, Eddie leans back to slowly pull his shirt off the rest of the way, allowing Buck space to see past the cloud of lust growing thick between them. 

“Eddie,” he whispers, preparing to ask what this is. He hadn’t noticed at first, but there’s no denying that they’re flirting and he wants to know what Eddie intends for the outcome of the night.

“Shh,” Eddie silences him. His shirt lands on the floor beside his foot, then his face is being cradled like he’s something precious, “you’re so beautiful.”

Okay, so maybe this is a little more than flirting. 

Buck’s smile is automatic and stretches across his entire face, his heart inflating in his chest. For a few moments, they stay just like that, standing close as they breathe each other in.

Then fingers trail down one side of his neck, across his shoulder, and down his chest. Eddie’s appreciative eyes are full of heat as they follow his hand and Buck’s eyes droop closed, against his control, as he becomes overwhelmed by the feelings arising from the delicate treatment. 

Lips press against his neck, slow but unhesitant, and Buck releases a moan as his skin catches fire. He can feel Eddie’s smirk before his lips are gone, only to return again and again as he follows the path of his fingers down the length of Buck’s neck, leaving no spot unkisses.

“Wha-what are you doing?” Buck asks even as he subtly leans back to give Eddie better access. 

Then Eddie’s fingernails scrape gently against his scalp as his fingers weave through the strands and tug gently to keep Buck’s head tilted. Eddie smirks against the join of his neck and shoulder, murmuring “you know exactly what I’m doing” before closing his mouth around the skin and sucking gently. 

The pleasure makes his head spin and all the blood in his body seems to divide, splitting between his flushed face and the pool of heat below Eddie’s hand as it ends its path at the damp strings of his sweatpants. 

“Eddie,” Buck whispers again when the other man lifts his mouth and blows cool air directly against Buck’s skin. He’s almost lost to the sensation, and wants to see where this will go, but there’s a pressing matter Buck needs to address, “Christopher.”

They’re supposed to be watching a movie together and Chris will be out any minute. As much as he wants to continue, he knows they shouldn't keep going right now and risk Chris catching them before they’ve spoken about what this means. 

Eddie doesn’t pull away like Buck expects though. Instead a soothing hum vibrates against his skin, right next to his ear, as Eddie returns to his gentle nuzzling.

“It’s fine,” Eddie murmurs, the thumb at his cheek caressing it gently as the other hand strokes back and forth along his hip bone. “He’s already asleep.”

The doorway comes into view as his confusion forces his eyes open. Christopher can’t be asleep, it’s too early and they haven’t watched the movie yet. All he’d spoken about through dinner was how excited he was to the movie Buck brought over for him, there’s no way he’d choose to go to bed early. 

The dispute dies on his lips as they close around a gulp. Eddie’s hand dips lower at his waist, fingers skirting beneath the band of his sweats before curling into a fist around the material to pull him in. Buck immediately forgets how to think when their bodies fit together from head to toe and Eddie claims his lips in a kiss.

It’s hard and desperate, and perhaps a little too heated for the first they’ve ever shared but it’s perfect regardless. The intensity is maddening and Buck can’t recall why he’d tried to stop this when it feels so electrifying. 

Eddie dominates the kiss effortlessly, the grip in Buck’s hair getting tighter as he grins their hips together. Buck moans at the feel of Eddie’s hardening bulge pressing against his own and Eddie takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss and lick his way into Buck’s mouth. 

Buck allows it eagerly and moans again as their tongues collide, his back arching slightly as Eddie pushes against him, trying to get even closer. It’s practically impossible, as it is they may as well be one person with how tightly they’re clinging to each other. Still, Buck slides his hands from Eddie’s front until they’re splayed across Eddie’s shoulder blades and Eddie groans his appreciation when it allows him that much closer. 

Teeth tug gently on his lip as Eddie pulls away. He sucks in a breath, both from the pleasure of it and the need for air. 

“Fuck,” Buck pants, “you’re amazing at that.”

“Good,” Eddie murmurs back, already beginning to pepper more kisses along his jaw, “because I plan to do it a lot more.”

Buck’s sure he looks completely manic as he grins but he can’t help it. Eddie’s words fill him with unadulterated delight that buzzes beneath his skin. He’s giddy with it and feels like giggling at the feel of stubble scratching lightly against his face as Eddie continues showering him with praise.

“I’ve wanted you like this for so long, sweetheart,” he continues between kisses to his cheekbone and temple. “Now that I know what kissing you feels like I’m never going to stop showing you just how much I adore you.”

Buck cranes his neck at the words, seeking out the feel of Eddie’s lips on his again as he hums his agreement. Eddie is enthusiastic in his compliance and soon they’re both swept up in their shared bliss again as they welcome another kiss. It’s effortless and Buck sinks into the feeling again. Then, growing bolder, he shifts his hands until they’re sliding under Eddie’s shirt and caressing the toned muscles beneath his fingertips. Eddie smiles into the kiss before pulling away to rest their foreheads together. 

Buck keeps his eyes open but they snap open in surprise as Eddie speaks again.

“Come to bed with me,” he invites boldly. At least Buck thinks it’s an invitation. It feels equally like an instruction and his feet itch to move at Eddie’s command. He has absolutely no problem with Eddie ordering him to bed, not if it’s for what he thinks is coming. 

Having said that, Eddie still has a sleeping child down the hall and is being driven by lust, so Buck has to check just in case Eddie is having a short lapse in judgement. 

“What about Christopher?”

“People have sex with their kids in the house all the time,” Eddie deflects, already taking slow steps backwards while gently pulling Buck after him by his grip on his pants. “and besides, Chris is a heavy sleeper.”

It’s a convincing argument and Buck is so distracted by Eddie’s sultry tone that he nods without further consideration. If Eddie is fine with having sex while his son is in the house, and is certain he won’t walk in, then Buck is sold. He only has so much willpower and Eddie has kissed it all away. 

Pressing one final kiss against Eddie’s lips, he allows himself to be pulled down the hall, keeping his eyes locked on Eddie’s hungry gaze the whole way. 

As they pass Christopher’s door, Buck finds himself questioning Eddie’s reasoning. As far as he knows Christopher has always been a light sleeper. He’s sure that’s what Eddie told him before. 

Then, as Eddie’s bedroom door clicks shut behind him, Buck quickly finds himself being pressed against it and being kissed senseless. Everything feels like too much and not enough as Eddie’s hands frantically skirt over his body and drive him wild with desire. Bucke’s giving as good as he gets and Eddie groans when Buck finally gets a handful of Eddie’s ass before pulling away.

The predatory look he receives as Eddie whips off his shirt and tosses it across the room is the sexiest thing he’s ever seen, Buck decides, and he’s unable to look away even as his eyes threaten to close again. 

Eddie takes a step back and Buck stays still, his chest heaving with every breath as Eddie reaches out and hooks his fingers in the loops of Buck’s jeans. He doesn’t remember ever having jeans on, but he likes the way Eddie’s voice sounds when he growls his promise to peel them off and it stops the invading thought before it reaches Buck’s attention properly.

Eddie tugs him forwards and spins them before backing Buck against the bed. A soft push is all it takes for Buck to fall onto the mattress and spread his legs so that Eddie can crawl between them as he makes his way up his body. This time as they kiss, the friction feels more torturous and he pleads to be rid of his jeans, Eddie’s name falling from his like a prayer. 

“I got you, sweetheart,” Eddie promises as he palms Buck through the denim. 

Skilled fingers get the button undone with one hand before Eddie’s sinful lips begin kissing down Buck’s chest, leaving hickies across his skin. As he scrapes his teeth across his abs, Eddie slides down his zipper and grips the waistband to strip them off of Buck’s legs as he continues kissing lower. 

He avoids Buck’s aching cock as it springs free, keeping his attention on focused Buck’s legs as more and more of them are revealed.

“Can’t wait to have your legs wrapped around me while I take you apart,” Eddie declares before sucking a mark into Buck’s thigh. 

He keeps going until they’re all the way off, then throws the jeans off the end of the bed as if they’ve greatly offended him. Buck can’t help the laugh he lets out, drawing Eddie’s attention away from his legs. 

When he sees the lust written across Eddie’s face, Buck once again spreads his legs invitingly and wraps a hand around his neglected cock. 

“Please,” he whimpers, jerking himself slowly, “fuck me, Eddie.”

“Soon,” Eddie agrees easily, before his eyes devour the sight of Buck’s thumb rubbing teasingly over the gleaming tip of his leaking cock. “I wanna taste you first.”

Buck groans, growing more and more excited as Eddie settles over his cock and gently pulls his hand away.

Eddie leans in without hesitation and kisses up his shaft before placing a teasing kiss to the tip. His tongue flicks out to swipe a milky white droplet that’s leaked from the slit and Buck’s eyelids flutter, threatening to close as pleasure takes over. He forces them open. He doesn’t want to miss the sight of Eddie’s lips stretching around him. 

Eddie does so with confidence, suckling gently at the tip. Buck’s hips thrust upwards into the heat of Eddie’s mouth to watch how his cock disappears past Eddie’s lips. Eddie places his forearm across Buck’s hips to pin them back to the bed and looks up at him through his unfairly thick eyelashes. 

He can’t currently smirk, but Buck can see the smugness in his eyes. 

It’s all the warning he gets before Eddie’s sinking to the base in one smooth motion and Buck ridding Buck of all control. His eyes snap shut against his will, his back arching with his head thrown back in ecstasy as he cries Eddie’s name, begging for more. 

* * *

He wakes up, sweaty and panting, with the sheets tented over his hips. The alarm on his phone irritates his ears and he shuts it off blindly, resisting the urge to throw it across the room.

“Fuck,” he curses into the silence, groaning as his movements cause the sheets to drag across his sensitive cock. 

His heart is racing from his dream, shamelessly reimagining the way Eddie had manhandled him onto the bed and stripped him naked in his fantasy. His hand reaches beneath the sheets at the thought, grasping himself firmly and imagines it’s Eddie’s hand. 

He imagines what would have happened next. If Eddie would have sucked him until he’d spilled down his throat. Whether or not he’d swallow the load and, if he did, would he kiss Buck’s lips with the taste still on his tongue? Would he let Buck return the favour before fucking him like he’d promised?

The mere thought has him groaning long and loud, and he’s never been happier to live alone than he is at this moment. 

As he starts to imagine Eddie fucking him he turns to his side and leans over his bedside table, reaching desperately in search of the lube and vibrator he keeps in the drawer. Just as his fingers graze the lid of the bottle, his phone lights up in front of his face, a text from Eddie fully displayed alongside the time. 

‘Leaving in ten, you up?’

Buck curses out loud again as he remembers why he’d set an alarm, and reaches the gruelling conclusion that he doesn’t have time to fuck himself boneless the way he imagines Eddie would. 

He flops back against the bed, rubbing both hands over his face as he curses himself for always getting up at the last minute. If he’d given himself an hour to get ready and leave rather than just the twenty minutes he needs, then maybe he wouldn’t have to choose between getting off with his favourite toy or being late. 

He considers just being late.

But Chris has been looking forward to their zoo trip for weeks and Buck can’t bear the thought of making him wait any longer. Plus, waiting would mean listening to Eddie’s inevitable teasing about him being late “as per usual”. And  _ that _ would mean Eddie indirectly teasing him about fucking himself to thoughts of them together instead of getting dressed. All of it is just too mortifying to imagine and Buck can’t allow it to come true.

As if it’s summoned by the mention of his name, Buck’s phone chirps again with another text from Eddie. 

‘You better be ignoring me because you’re showering and not because you’re sleeping’

Buck flings himself out of bed, resigning himself to a quick fix in the shower as he rushes into the bathroom. It’s not his preference, but it’ll have to do until he gets home. 

The hot water is nothing compared to the heat of Eddie’s skin against him, but Buck has a hand, an imagination and expert knowledge of how to best achieve his own orgasm, so gets the job done. Skillful as his hands are though, it’s the thought of Eddie’s that has him moaning out his name as he cums, panting against the wall and imagining it’s Eddie’s breath panting back and not his own bouncing off the tiled wall. 

He tells himself to forget his dream once he leaves the bathroom and focus on the day ahead and so that’s what he does. 

He picks up his phone and , now that he has actually had one, shoots off a quick reply to Eddie confirming he was in the shower. He’s not lying technically, he was in it, just not when Eddie asked. Eddie’s reply is a single raised eyebrow emoji and an assurance that he’ll stop and get them breakfast on the way first, already having predicted Buck would be running late. 

He dries himself off quickly and throws on his clothes while his hair is still dripping, then spins around looking for his towel. He finds it eventually, disguised against his bedsheets, easily fooling Buck in his blind panic. He really doesn’t want to be late. It would have been quicker to get another towel, he realises, as he checks his phone and sees another message from Eddie saying he’s five minutes away. 

He doesn’t bother with his hair. He won’t have time to style it and still have his shoes on in time to meet Eddie and Chris outside of his building before they get impatient and come up to get him, so he goes straight for the second task. He slips his feet into his sock and sneakers, not bothering to do up the laces, before rushing out the door, grabbing everything else he needs in his rush to the door. 

He jogs down the steps of his building just as Eddie is pulling in and grins triumphantly when Christopher cheers “I told you he wouldn’t be late, dad.”

Eddie nods, looking thoroughly impressed, “looks like you were right, Superman.”

It’s not his biggest accomplishment but Buck feels proud anyway as Chris beams at him from the back seat. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it, buddy,” Buck says over his shoulder as he climbs in next to Eddie, “I have important plans with my two favourite guys today.”

* * *

The day goes well; Chris has fun, and he can’t stop babbling about all the animals as they slowly make their way back to the car after stopping for a quick bite near home. 

He seems to have boundless energy despite being out all day and doing quite a bit of walking, probably because of all the sugary snacks he and Buck had convinced Eddie to let him have. Eddie and Buck, however, are dead on their feet from carrying him around all the enclosures when he got tired. He’d barely been able to keep his eyes open while he ate and Chris’ continuing enthusiasm, and bouncing around in his arms as he talks, makes Buck feel old. 

Eddie even  _ looks  _ like he feels old as he leans into Buck’s side and Buck isn’t too tired to tease him about it. He’s never too tired for that. 

He and Eddie finally seem like they’re completely back to normal. Well, other than the small issue of Buck constantly carding through his own thoughts to rid himself of all the dirty ones that keep popping up. Although, he supposes, that seems to be his new normal and he’s slowly come to accept it. 

The thoughts that are harder to scrape out are the ones that, like now, make him feel all cliché in love and full of longing. Moments like this, when Eddie has his arm around him and lets Buck take his weight. Days like today, when they spend time together and Buck’s mind manages to sneak in the reminder that they feel like a real family. 

Subsequently, when he remembers they’re not, he gets sad for half a second before remembering the conversation he’d had with Eddie shortly after his return to therapy. Eddie had sat him down one day and opened up about some of his feelings, then assured him they were family no matter what. Buck knows it’s true with all his heart, had known all along, but it was nice to be reminded. It may not be everything he wants but it still means everything to him; he wouldn’t trade Eddie’s friendship for anything. 

He tries to remind himself of that when Eddie does stupid shit without thinking it through first- like right now for instance. 

“Hey, get off him!”

Buck’s head snaps up from his conversation with Christiopher when Eddie bellows beside him. He’s already stalking ahead, reinvigorated by his apparent anger and Buck’s eyes dart to where Eddie is heading in hope of finding what has him so suddenly riled up. 

What he finds has his fists clenching in anger. 

In the mouth of an alleyway there’s a guy, unusually pale for LA and about the same height as Eddie. He towers over an elder man, yelling nonsensically as he cages him against the wall and rifles through the man’s pockets to pull out his wallet. 

Eddie has the guy by the shoulder before Buck can get a word out and he wastes no time before setting Christopher down and handing him his phone. 

“Call 9-1-1, buddy, tell them there’s a guy getting robbed, okay? You remember where we are?”

He types out the number and hands Chris the phone before rushing over to where Eddie is struggling against the gangly man. Eddie is bigger and more skilled, but the mugger realises he’s been caught and is fuelled by adrenaline. When Buck gets closer he sees desperation in his bloodshot eyes and he shoves Eddie back and punches him in the face. Buck steps forward, ready to step in but an angry, childlike yell stops him in his tracks. 

“Hey, leave my dad alone!”

Buck turns in shock to see that Christopher has followed Buck and is now standing behind him, with the elderly man that Eddie had saved. Chris is holding Buck’s phone to the man’s ear as he speaks, his own hands shaking as the clench his grey hair, clearly in shock from the incident. 

The scene seems to have stolen Eddie’s focus too as the mugger, who can’t even be old enough to drink, gains the upper hand and throws Eddie to the ground on the opposite side of the alley. 

It all happens fast after that. Sirens approach in the near distance and the kid looks from Eddie on the floor, to Buck in the centre, and to Christopher and his victim on the other side. He realises he’s caged on all sides and reaches for his pocket. 

Buck sees the glint of metal in the setting sun right before he’s holding the metal object out to Eddie as a warning. Then he’s skirting around Buck towards Christopher and Buck sees red. 

Instinct takes over and he rushes forwards, blinded by his need to protect. He doesn’t care what the guy’s intentions are or aren’t, or what he is or isn’t holding, Buck doesn’t want him anywhere near his son. He’s not letting any threats near his son. 

Buck gets in his way quickly. Startled, he throws his hands forwards to shove Buck away. Buck stumbles, tripping to the floor besides Christopher. There’s the sound of metal scraping the pavement. The kid looks down at his feet. His eyes widened. Regret bleeds into them. He pivots and scrambles away in a panic. Buck stares as it all happens, completely bewildered, and follows the kids escape. 

He runs right into the path of the oncoming cop car and freezes still as it blocks his exit. 

Athena jumps out -of course it would be Athena catching him in another daring situation- and rushes to get the stunned kid in cuffs, before waving over the ambulance that arrives behind her. 

The paramedics rush over and Buck tries to point them to the victim, the hunched elderly man, but they hover next to him and begin unpacking gauze and instruments. He’s confused, and tries to ask what’s going on. 

The last thing he sees is Eddie’s horror-stricken eyes before he passes out. 


	6. Day 6 - Because They Think They’re Going to Die | With An Audience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they wait for news on Buck, Eddie is wracked with guilt as he goes over the evening in his mind. He blames himself for Buck getting hurt, but a certain Buckley helps him see reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Just a heads up, in the beginning of this fic Eddie is filled with guilt about Buck getting hurt and, despite being repeatedly assured he is okay, is unable to convince himself to believe it completely. 
> 
> This chapter also continues on from the last and so all those tags apply, plus the "almost dying" aspect which is explained in the end notes of the fic.

Bright white walls, dim yellow lights, shuffling feet, slow monotonous beeping. The scene fades in and out of Eddie’s vision as he hunches uncomfortably in a hard plastic chair, then against the wall, then slips down until most of his back is brushing against the chilled linoleum floor. 

The styrofoam cup in his grip is mostly empty, the last few sips of coffee surely stone cold by now. His eyes grow heavier and heavier as he stares at it, though they don’t weigh him down as much as his own guilt and concern. 

Eddie knows, logically, that Buck will be fine. Enough people have said as such to try and reassure him. Paramedics, Athena, doctors, then also the team and Maddie when they’d arrived shortly after Eddie. They all throw around words like “lucky” and “shock” and “just stitches” but Eddie can’t force himself to believe it completely and soon everyone turns quiet. Now, as they all sit in uncomfortable silence with only the maddening echo of shuffling and beeping drifting into the waiting area from the hallways outside, Eddie just feels empty. 

_ If only I was quicker. If only I was better. If only I wasn’t so quick to jump in without thinking. _

The thoughts plague him and he can’t stop them as images flash through his mind one by one, an endless cycle behind his eyes, changing like slides every time he blinks. 

The sickly looking mugger trapped on all sides, eyes wide and wild as he’d looked for an exit. The guy’s arm stretched out towards him, mouth open and telling him to stay back as Buck watched on with terror in his eyes. The man’s back as he’d faced Christopher and the elderly man -the easiest escape route. The tense of Buck’s body as he looked too. 

Buck in between them all, fire in his eyes. 

Buck’s look of perplexed shock, his body frozen halfway to the ground. The blinding blue lights of Athena’s patrol car casting the petrified criminal in shadow. Athena mid-stride, her face coated in rage. Buck on the ground, a paramedic either side of him, eyes drooped and confused. Christopher in Eddie’s arms, face wet with tears as Buck is wheeled away behind him. 

The closed ambulance doors. His truck door, and Christopher’s. Abuela’s front door. His truck door again. The hospital doors. The waiting room door.

Every time his eyes close the next image is waiting for him, each one making his blood run colder. Then, when it’s over, the slideshow starts again, more stills added each time, more details revealed, more fuel to Eddie’s panic. All of it reminds him that he’d watched on and done nothing as Buck put himself in harm's way to protect Christopher. And all because he got involved and put them both in danger. All because he wasn’t quick enough to protect them. 

Sleep calls to him like a siren, trying to coax him into its depths, but he forces open his eyes, wiping away the watery sting as they protest to him fighting sleep. He can’t go to sleep. Buck needs him. He needs Buck. He just needs to hold on to consciousness and make sure Buck is okay. 

Buck will be okay, it's a simple injury, Eddie just needs to hold it together. Hold on. God, he hopes Buck holds on. 

* * *

“Shit, Buck, just hold on!” Eddie pleads, tugging uselessly at the ropes as if it’ll somehow stop the flames from clawing at them. If only shaking them enough could help blow away the glowing orange specs flying to their ropes like moths to a, well, flame. 

_ Terrible analogy, so not the appropriate time. _

“They’re breaking, Eddie,” Buck says in a panic, “we’re going to fall.”

No, they can’t. He can’t let that happen. He can’t let Buck die, not like this. 

“Hey, Buck, listen to me. We’re- It’ll be okay,” he says uselessly. Neither of them believe the words. “just hold on, okay, they’ll catch us. They’re setting up the cushion right now, Buck. You’re indestructible remember, isn’t that what you always tell me?”

Buck’s lips tug up at the corners and Eddie can’t look at him. It’s not a smile of relief, not a confident smile that says he believes Eddie’s failed attempt at assurance, nor is it the cocky one he usually beams at him when Eddie frets over him being reckless. No, this is a pitying smile. A smile that’s already accepted their fate. Eddie doesn’t want that image seared into his brain for the rest of his life. 

“Eddie, Eddie look at me.”

He can’t, his eyes are too busy scanning the ground below, searching through the crowds of TV crews and onlookers as their team tries to set up the rescue cushion. It’s no use; it’s as if they’re moving in slow motion twenty floors below as the fire burns bright and fast around them, licking at their ropes. It doesn’t make sense. They’re the best, they always do their best, so why aren’t they moving faster? People continue to flock to the ever growing crowd with hurried steps, hustling their way to witness the horrors above the street. But still their team tread slowly, as if their limbs are stiff and their boots are made of lead. 

It’s not going to work. They’re not going to be quick enough. It’s not going to be okay. 

“Eddie, please look at me.”

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut and raises his face to the sky, hoping and praying that he’s dreaming. When he opens them, their ropes are alight with a flickering flame that eats at the ropes. There’s no hope, only the question of whether the fire will burn through the rest of the rope before their weight becomes too much for the remaining thin scraps to bear. 

Buck lets out a desperate plea again and Eddie feels like a coward for being afraid to look at him. He’s afraid to see the defeat in Buck’s eyes and feel the pang of regret that points to his heart, threatening to impale him. Against his better judgement, he looks when Buck’s hand reaches out to his face. His voice is surprisingly calm.

“There you are,” he says softly, bringing them together until their foreheads are connected. Eddie gasps softly, suddenly feeling like he’s floating with Buck rather than dangling as they wait for their demise. He chuckles, but there’s no humour in it. A second later, a dry sobrips its way out of his chest as Buck’s tears slide down his cheeks and drip onto Eddie’s collar. 

“Here we both are,” he counters bitterly, aiming his disdain at himself. “I’m so sorry. Buck. I should’ve-”

“Shh, don’t say that. It’s not your fault, Eddie.” Buck says gently. He’s surprisingly calm for someone with flames snapping at their feet. “You made a call and I agreed. We both signed up for this, we both agreed this was our best option. It’s not your fault.”

“We could have tried something else. I could have-”

“You couldn’t have done anything, Eddie,” Buck denies, “Please don’t blame yourself for this. Don’t die with that kind of unnecessary regret.”

For a moment Eddie is silent, thinking over Buck’s words. He has enough regrets, what’s one more to add to the list? But then he notices the haunted look in Buck’s eyes, the glint of ice cold pain that stands out against the warmth. 

“Do you?” Eddie hesitates to finish the question, briefly wondering if he’s just projecting his own feelings and seeing hints that aren’t there. Buck doesn’t seem like the type to have regrets, even when he messes up he doesn’t let it bother him for long. Still, he can’t chase away the niggling thought. As much as he knows he can’t expel his own regrets, he doesn’t want Buck to die with weight on his chest. “Do you have any regrets?”

Buck averts his gaze, his eyes flicking to the ground and then the flames above them, just as Eddie had. Eddie resists the urge to do the same again, instead choosing to keep his focus on Buck. It’s not hard, surprisingly. Even on the brink of plummeting to his death he still can’t seem to look away from the beautiful man in front of him. The man he’ll now never get a chance with, no matter how much he wishes he could. 

Yet another regret to throw on the pile. 

When Buck meets his eyes again, Eddie can barely see them through his blurred vision. It makes him want to cry more at the unfairness and he viciously swipes them away. The universe can take his life, but if he has to die then he won’t do so without seeing Buck’s face as much as possible while he still has the chance. Buck in front of his eyes, and Christopher in his mind, that’s all he has for comfort now. At least he can die with the knowledge that one of his boys will be okay. 

He feels like he’s choking, drowning in his own thoughts, when Buck finally croaks out his answer.

“Just one.”

It’s a broken whisper and Eddie has no idea how he hears it over the roaring of the flames and dubious creaking coming from the building itself. He ignores it all somehow, Buck receiving all his focus. Buck, who’s hand is stroking across his face like he’s something precious and making Eddie’s heart flip and cry out in anguish. Eddie can’t stop himself as he watches his hand reach out and grasp desperately at Buck’s waist, clinging onto him for dear life. 

And isn’t that ironic, clinging for life on a man about to die with him. The man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with but never had the balls to go after. 

“Buck,” Eddie’s voice sounds broken even to his own ears. 

Smoke billows around them, encapsulating them in their own dark shell as they stare at each other, both wanting more than they will ever get to have. 

“I regret waiting so long to tell you that I’m in love with you,” Buck cries, leaning forwards until they’re breathing in each other instead of smoke. “I regret missing out on getting to be with you, and spend a life with you and Christopher. At least, if that’s what you would have wanted too.”

“Yeah,” Eddie gasps painfully, feeling like his lungs are being clawed to shreds, “I would have loved that. I love you. I wish I hadn’t been so scared. I wish we’d had a chance.”

Buck gives a shaky nod, his movements frantic as his face contorts in despair. His hands desperately cling to Eddie’s face, his eyes swimming with tears as he leans in. Both their lips taste salty when they collide in a fit of desperation, each throwing everything into the kiss. 

Their first and last kiss. 

It’s everything he’d hoped it would be, passionate and full of love. Still, it’s tainted by unwanted bitterness as they dangle above a crowd, not knowing if his son is about to see him fall to his death live on TV. He wonders, as their kiss continues, if Chris will be disappointed in him for not living longer. He wonders if Chris will be happy to see him and Buck kissing, or if it will just feel like seeing him and Buck together is just something else he lost out on today. Fuck, Chris is about to lose both of them. 

The thought of it has Eddie breaking the kiss as the entire body shakes with his sobs. Breathing is a struggle, as if his fears have skewered his chest and punctured both of his lungs. Somehow, he seems to be breaking down faster than the rope, and much faster than their teamwork beneath them. All movement on the ground seems to have halted completely now. The inflatable cushion is half laid out below them, folded over itself, and at a crooked angle. 

It’s useless to them. It won’t catch them in time, especially not with everyone frozen beside the burning building, watching them fall apart in each other’s arms while they wait for the ensuing tragedy. He wonders what they’ll say about their demise on the news: Tragic would-be lovers who left things too late, leaving behind a son who was always  _ theirs _ but will never get to have them raise him together.

This is all they get. All they’ll ever get. All because Eddie was too much of a coward to tell Buck how he felt. So much time wasted. Barely any time left.

He pulls Buck to his arms and looks up at the ropes, nothing but a thread holding each of them up. Threads that look like they should have given up and dropped them already. Threads that glow a threatening orange. One thread that burns and breaks. 

No time left. 

Buck is gone from his arms, falling down into the sea of people below. People who are suddenly spurred into action, too little too late. The rescue cushion is laid out, but it has as little air in it as Eddie has in his lungs. All he can do is watch Buck plummet to the ground, wanting to see anything else, but unable to look away as he just keeps falling. 

Then, when Buck is only a few feet from the ground, Eddie feels a jolt and his own rope is completely broken. His heart thumps wildly and jumps out of his chest, his legs kicking through the air. He can’t bring himself to care. He fears the image in front of him much more than the daunting feeling of weightlessness. Even as he falls, his eyes are forced to watch as Buck continues to drop until he’s inches from the ground. 

As hard as he tries, he still can’t look away. 

* * *

“Buck!” He yells, leg kicking against the ground as his arms scrambled forwards, uselessly grasping to catch something that isn’t there. His breathing comes out in gasps, chest heaving as his heart batters his rib cage. Hands encircle him from all sides, holding him still as he heaves in panic. Through the drumming of his heart and the hurricane of his own distraught gasps, he hears his name being repeated in multiple voices. 

“Eddie, you’re okay. Buck’s okay. Eddie, please, deep breaths.” Hen tries to calm him in a well practiced soothing tone, the same one he’s used to hearing when she speaks to her patients. He tries to focus on it and let it pull him from his panic. 

After a few moments, he gains enough control of himself to follow her instructions as she coaches his breathing back into his control. Slowing his breathing takes more effort than he’d ever thought possible and once they become steady he relishes every breath, eyes searching the room until he’s finally able to find his words. 

“Where’s Buck? Is he okay?”

“He’s okay, Eddie,” Bobby assures as he grapes Eddie’s shoulder in an offer of comfort.. 

“It was just a nightmare,” Chim adds, “his injuries aren’t severe, remember? No major damage, he’s just getting stitched up.”

Eddie nods even though he doesn’t remember completely. However, rational thought is returning slowly, just enough for him to believe their words. It all becomes clearer once his memories of the evening begin to fight off the monstrous remains of his nightmare. The reality isn’t all flowers and roses but it’s much better than a long drop onto unforgiving concrete. 

A hand on his shoulder has him looking up and he smiles gratefully at Chim when he passes him a small cup of water. Maddie, who tries to hide her own pain as well as her pity, averts her eyes and wipes at the small puddle of spilt coffee on the floor. He must have thrown the cup in his sleep because it’s too far to have simply been knocked over. 

His head feels heavy as he turns to her, an apology on his lips. She shouldn’t be cleaning up after him right now, not when her brother has been hurt and she’s clearly in pain. Not when he has no right to steal everyone's sympathy and worry. He wants to tell her to stop, that he’ll clean it, but he feels weighed down and he’s still fighting to slow his violently drumming heart. Still, he opens his mouth to say something that will hopefully convey how guilty he feels. Before he can though, the door to the waiting room swings open and the doctor walks in, immediately gaining the undivided attention of every eye in the room. 

“Everything went well,” She says confidently, sending a wave of relief throughout the room. Clearly Eddie wasn’t the only one still gripped by worry, despite the rest of them claiming they aren’t Eddie sighs heavily, expelling every molecule of air trapped in his lungs, then takes his first easy breath since startling awake. “Mr. Buckley is all stitched up and getting settled into a room, he’ll have to stay here overnight but barring any unforeseen circumstances he should be clear to leave by tomorrow afternoon once all his tests come back. We’ll send someone in to show you to his room once he’s ready for visitors.”

He’s okay, Eddie thinks, it’s going to be okay. He raises his eyes to the ceiling before closing them, sending a silent thank you to any force in the universe that may be listening. There’s still a chance to make things right and Eddie is beyond thankful. 

If only he can figure out a way to do it.

Guilt is like a poison clinging to his palms and Eddie shakes out his hands restlessly as he stands and begins pacing out of the room. Bobby calls after him, but no one objects when he mumbles his need for air and wanders off down the hallway. 

He doesn’t go far at all, just enough to be away from their prying eyes as he tries to sort through everything running through his head. Usually he’d talk about it in therapy or with Buck, but he can’t do that now. Buck isn’t exactly in a position to help him and even if Frank was available at this time of night, Eddie wouldn’t dare leave the hospital. He couldn’t even go outside like he’d said because he’s worried about missing an update. 

He’s leaning against the wall running his hands through his hair when Maddie finds him, coffee stained napkins in her hand before she throws them into the trash can beside him. He’d passed two others on his way to this hallway, meaning she’d specifically sought him out. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, eyes flitting from one end of the hall to the other. He doesn’t know what else to say. When they return to Maddie she’s looking at him with her eyebrows pulled together in the same way Buck’s do. It managed to tilt the corners of his lips in a weak attempt at a smile. 

“It’s not your fault, Eddie,” she replies, “not for having a nightmare and not for Buck being in the hospital.”

Eddie shakes his head, feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable as his eyes turn glassy, “If I didn’t-”

“It’s not your fault,” she repeats sternly. It leaves no room for argument and Eddie is reminded of Buck as he watches her. This time his attempted smile doesn’t produce such a lacklustre result. Her insistence doesn’t stop him blaming himself, but it does remind him how stubborn the Buckley’s are. Buck will probably insist it’s not his fault either. 

“I just wish I didn’t- The guy would have never hurt Buck if I hadn’t gone charging in to play hero. I can’t help but feel like-”

He cuts himself off, sucking air sharply through gritted teeth. The more he thinks about it, the angrier he is at himself and he wonders why he didn’t just call 9-1-1 instead of jumping in.

“Like you’re the reason he’s hurt,” Maddie finishes. Eddie nods solemnly, looking down at his shoes as he twiddles his fingers together. “Buck is stubborn, and reckless, so he will definitely not judge for stepping in to defend a man being robbed. He would have done the same and you know it, the only reason you did so first is because you saw it first.”

“He was protecting Christopher when he got stabbed,” he states, his lip quivering. Saying it out loud feels somewhat like confessing a sin. “Chris yelled out and I got distracted, the asshole managed to push me to the ground and I wasn’t fast enough. He couldn’t get past Buck to escape, so he went towards Christopher and the man he was robbing. Buck stepped in front of them to protect them. I should have been protecting them.”

“Protecting who? Christopher, Buck, Mr Carter?”

“Mr Carter? Is that the man’s name?”

“Yeah, Athena called while you were sleeping and mentioned he send his thanks to you and to Buck. She’ll probably tell you herself too, she should be here soon, she left the station as soon as everything was cleared up. The guy who stabbed Buck has been charged, open and shut case seeing as he was caught on scene with the weapon and witnesses. He even confessed the whole story too but he’s saying he didn’t actually mean to stab anyone. They still want Buck’s statement, of course, but she said he sounded truthful, just a typical mugging gone horribly wrong it seems.”

“Because of me.”

“No, Eddie,” Maddie says firmly, frustration seeping into her tone, “because a guy got high and decided to steal a man’s wallet, then threatened you with a switch blade and accidentally stabbed my brother while trying to take the cowards way out. He’s the one to blame here and he’ll get what’s coming to him, case closed.”

“It could have been just as cut and dry if I hadn’t put Christopher and Buck in danger, or if I’d gotten there faster and defended Christopher instead of leaving Buck to do it. I’m the reason he-.”

“Eddie, you saved a man who was being hurt. Buck isn’t going to be mad at you for that if that’s what you’re worried about. You’re his best friend, Eddie. He loves you and your kid, and if he had known he was going to get hurt he would have done the same thing so long as it meant getting between Chris and danger. Hell, he’d do the same if it were me, or you, or anyone he knows because that’s who he is, he’s always going to push you out of the way if he can. It’s not our fault that he loves us so much he wants to keep us away from harm, even if it means he gets hurt. To him, it’s a small price to pay for those he loves. Especially the way he loves you and Christopher.”

As her words sink in, Eddie finally lifts his eyes from his feet and meets hers through their shared tears.

“Can you honestly say you wouldn’t do the same for him?” She asks challengingly. 

“Of course I would,” he concedes, “I love him.”

Shit, he wasn’t supposed to say those words with such casual affection. He blinks in surprise and holds his breath, hoping she didn’t catch it.

“Exactly my point. You’d do it because you love him, just like he loves Chris and wanted to protect him. Just like he loves you and helped you when you ran into danger. And would he be to blame if you got hurt protecting him?”

Eddie shakes his head slowly, his “no” barely audible.

“You put too much guilt on yourself Eddie,” she states, concluding her point, “guilt you wouldn’t dream of putting on other people. He is going to be fine and the only one to blame has already been caught. There’s no need for you to beat yourself up about what happened, so stop doing it, or I won’t be the only Buckley giving you this lecture tonight.” 

Eddie huffs, finding himself amused as he nods along, 

“Yes ma’am, I’ll try,” he promises. He has no doubt she’s right, Buck would definitely deliver a similar lecture if he caught on to Eddie’s guilt. 

What she’s said makes sense and, even though it doesn’t quell his anguish, it helps him sort through his emotions and combat them with reasoning. It’s eerily similar to something Frank might have him do and Eddie makes a mental note to ask Maddie if she knows him later. Now though, he takes a deep breath to calm himself and wipe his eyes before telling her he’s ready to go back and offering his elbow.

She takes his arm gently with a smile before wiping at her own eyes, and they navigate their way through the halls together. It’s not until they’re about to push through the door and go back into the waiting room with the others that Maddie holds him back and speaks again.

“You love him,” she echoes his earlier words, raising an eyebrow despite her unwavering confidence. “as more than a friend, I mean. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

There’s no judgement in her tone. No pity either. She gives off an air of sincerity and openness and his instinct tells him that he could trust her to know the truth. Nevertheless, he still has the tenacious desire to protect the secret he’s been so closely guarding. He doesn’t want to lie either though, and his silence is telling.

“I don’t know why you are worried about telling Buck that you’re in love with him,” she begins, concluding his answer, “but you shouldn’t be. If you feel the need to overthink anything about this day, it should be the fact that Buck clearly loves you too and you’re both only hurting yourselves by not admitting it.”

With that said she pushes open the door and slips into the room, leaving Eddie to stand alone and motionless in the empty hallway as he considers her words. She’s read him so well tonight, he’s beginning to wonder if she’d been inside his head while he was sleeping. 

Heck, maybe it’s just another Buckley thing because the only other person who can read him so well is Buck. 

She’s also the only other person who knows Buck as well as he does, and in different ways than he does. Well enough that he can probably take her word for it when it comes to what’s best for Buck. And if that truly is him admitting his feelings, then Eddie can’t let his fear hold him back. Not if there really is a chance Buck feels the same. He can’t wait until it’s too late.


	7. Day 7 - Author’s Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little late, BUT I DID IT! 
> 
> (we'll just say that my "Author's choice" was to post on day 8 instead XD)

Athena has already joined the others in the waiting room when Eddie reenters the room behind Maddie. She immediately heads over to share the details of the case and Eddie listens intently.

“Oh, and the man you saved, Ronald Carter” she adds at the end of her run down, “he got checked out and released with no serious injuries. He’s already made his statement back at the station.”

“Yeah, Maddie mentioned, thanks for letting me know.”

“Did she also mention that the officers who were with him let it slip that you’re firefighters at the one-eighteen? His daughter was there with him and there was talk about baked goods for the both of you.”

Eddie snorts, “That’s sweet, I’m sure Buck will be over the moon about that.”

“No doubt,” she agrees, “That boy’s dentist must be a miracle worker.”

Eddie’s answering laugh is cut off as the door opens again to reveal a familiar greying woman in nurse’s scrubs. It’s the same nurse who’s been keeping them updated, no doubt sent to check on them on Buck’s behalf. 

“Glad to see you’re all in brighter spirits,” she greets, “Buck’s all settled in his room so if you’d like to follow me I can take you to see him now.”

Eddie is unsurprised, but still slightly amused to hear her call him by his nickname, it’s so typical of Buck to object to formalities, even in a hospital. Eddie’s certain that he’s been making nice with all the nurses, it’s probably how he convinced this one to keep going back and forth with information. 

Since meeting Buck, and getting over their initial friction, Eddie quickly realised Buck can and will make friends wherever he goes, his easy going personality making it easy for him to strike up conversations and make nice with a total stranger. It's a common joke between them, and Eddie finds himself asking “new friend?” at least once every time they go out together. Usually after Buck spends ten minutes chatting enthusiastically about the most random of topics while Eddie stands beside him wondering how they even got to talking. It’s irritating sometimes, but mostly charming. 

A hand on his back gets his attention as Maddie guides him forwards. It’s then that he realises he’d zoned out thinking about Buck again and is currently hovering in the doorway, blocking everyone from leaving to see Buck. The nurse gives him a knowing look before begins walking away, and Eddie is glad that he’s in front with Maddie as it means the rest of their group can’t see his embarrassed flush and the way he nervously bites his lip as they follow her through the hall. 

With each step closer to Buck, Eddie feels like he’s running out of time. 

He’s thought a lot about what Maddie said outside of the waiting room and his mind is playing tug of war with his feelings. Hearing her words and the confidence with which she said them, Eddie can’t help but consider following her advice. Half of him is jumping up and down with an excited yell of “Just tell him, he loves you, you could be together, isn’t that what you want?”. The other half of him is quaking in fear, shrieking “don’t screw everything up, idiot!”

As soon as he steps through the door and sees Buck’s face light up, the rope falls and Eddie knows he needs to do this in spite of his fears. He loves this man with everything he has and he’s certain he will regret every day that he doesn’t take the chance. So, with determination driving him forwards, he strides into Buck’s room before he can overthink and talk himself out of it. 

He intends to spill his feelings to Buck and see if Buck feels the same. He intends to raise his finger and silence Buck when his eyes widen and his mouth opens to speak before Eddie is ready to hear his words. His intentions don’t exactly go to plan and, now that he’s decided to let his feelings free, they seem to have taken hold of his body completely.

One finger becomes a whole hand that rests gently against Buck’s cheek, before moving to cradle his face as he steps up to Buck's bedside. Then, instead of Eddie’s finger at Buck’s lips and words expressing his feelings, his lips decide that actions are better than words and he kisses Buck without hesitation. In fact, he doesn’t even fully grasp his own actions until he feels Buck’s lips tilting into a smile against his own as he kisses him back immediately. 

It’s sweet and careful, only a short press of lips, but it feels like the world shifts around them. For better or worse, something has been altered and Eddie finds himself thrilled by the possibilities of what’s to come. 

Eddie pulls away first, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heart as he straightens up slowly. Unlike in the hallway, there’s no hiding his blush now and that’s made all the more obvious when Buck lifts a hand to skim his reddened cheek. Buck looks bewildered by the sight of it, and too surprised to speak, so Eddie breaks the silence. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that,” he whispers. Their kiss was chaste, only lasting a few seconds, but Eddie still feels like it’s taken his breath away. “I was going to actually talk about my feelings before, hopefully, getting to kiss you.”

“Don’t apologise,” Buck says, looking flattered as he bites his lip to suppress a laugh, “you always have been a man of action.”

Eddie snorts, “not so much in these past few months, I’ve wanted to do that for far too long.”

“Well you definitely did it,” Buck says, his gleeful laugh breaking free. “I’m not going to complain.”

“Me either,” Eddie says, reassured by Buck’s easy acceptance. It gives him the confidence to open his mouth and free the three little words he’s kept chained to his heart, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Buck replies quickly, knocking Eddie’s breath right out of him.

“Really?” he asks in obvious disbelief. It all feels too perfect, too easy. He’s spent months agonising over his feelings for Buck, surely it can’t be this simple. 

“Yeah, I’m in love with you.”

Eddie is overwhelmed and, for lack of words to express all the feelings those words stir up, he leans forwards to seal their lips together again. This time, when they pull away, Buck keeps his eyes closed and Eddie can’t help but admire the way his eyelashes fan across his cheeks. He looks blissed out and relaxed and Eddie is immensely proud to be the one to make him feel this way. He can’t help but lean in again and place a kiss between Buck’s eyebrows. 

“Look at me,” Eddie requests gently, desperate to see Buck’s beautiful eyes looking back at him so he can remember them in this moment forever. 

Buck’s eyes twitch behind his lids, but they stay closed. Worry morphs Buck’s features and his eyes screw tighter before he gently shakes his head. Eddie’s heart sinks and he moves to step back; he knew it was too easy, but he can’t fathom what’s gone wrong. Buck said he loves him too, so what’s the problem?

“I can’t I-” Buck pauses and snaps his mouth shut, seconds dragging out like minutes as Buck thinks. Eddie waits with bated breath, steeling himself for rejection. Anxiety settles to confusion as Buck finally breaks the tense silence. “Is this a dream?”

Eddie’s head reels back, his face scrunching up as he shakes his head. Of course it isn’t a dream. Buck looks completely serious though, eyes still closed, so Eddie lifts his other hand as he leans in to wrap Buck in his arms. 

“It’s not a dream, Buck,” Eddie assures despite not understanding the need, “I’m here, you’re okay.”

He figures maybe Buck’s had some meds that are confusing him or it’s just because he’s extremely tired, he can’t have gotten a nap in like Eddie had given that he was being tested and stitched up. Now he worries that he’s crossed a line by kissing Buck like this, when he’s in such a vulnerable state. At least until Buck opens his eyes. 

Eddie doesn’t see it, but he knows he must’ve because he speaks over Eddie’s shoulder.

“Oh, you guys have never been in my dreams before, I guess this is real?”

“Yeah, Buck,” Maddie answers kindly, “it’s definitely real. Are you sure you’re okay?”

It reminds Eddie that they’re not alone and he turns a deeper shade of red, completely mortified to have had an audience to his confession. Although, he supposes, at least this time they aren’t about to die. 

The thought takes him back to his dream in the waiting room, and all those before it. Dreams so similar to this moment, and yet so radically different, in which he has imagined finally confessing his feelings and having them reciprocated. Damn, this really is a dream come true. That train of thought trundles on into new territory, the tracks taking the form of Buck’s question and how perturbed he had sounded, until he’s drawing Buck’s attention again and cutting off his answer to Maddie.

“Have you been having dreams about us?” Eddie inquires. It’s a long shot to think that Buck has been experiencing similar dreams to him, but it would make sense with what Buck is saying. 

Buck is clearly surprised by the question, a slightly perplexed smile forming as he nods, “yeah.”

Eddie chuffs in disbelief, completely bemused.  _ What are the chances? _

“Okay, as much as I want to get into those details,” Hen interrupts, “how are you feeling Buck?”

“Yeah, other than your apparent love for Eddie.”

Surprisingly it’s Athena who starts the teasing, which only serves to make it more embarrassing. Eddie groans and buries his face in Buck’s shoulder as the team laughs and throws jokes back and forth. The general consensus is that they’re idiots and have been quite obvious to everyone but each other. Honestly, Eddie isn’t surprised, he knows he hasn’t been the most subtle with his affections lately, instead choosing to make the most of every opportunity to cuddle up to his best friend. Or maybe his boyfriend now, that’s definitely something they should discuss. 

Not now though, he decides as he turns to face the room, keeping his arm securely wrapped around Buck’s back. Now, he’s going to enjoy this and spend some time with their little misfit family while they fawn over Buck. Labels can wait. If Eddie gets his way, they’ll have plenty of time to figure that out another time. 

Buck is drowsy by the time Maddie and Chimney, the last of the crew remaining at the hospital, filter out. It’s gotten late, the nurses having let them push their luck with visiting hours after being faced with Buck’s pleading puppy dog eyes. He barely opens his eyes as he waves goodbye to the pair and closes them again as soon as the door clicks shut behind them. Quite frankly, given the day they’ve had, Eddie doesn't know how Buck has managed to stay awake for this long. 

“I think it’s about time I get going too,” Eddie says reluctantly as he strokes a hand through Buck’s hair. Buck leans into the touch but his eyes flutter open and he lets out a quiet groan of protest. “Yeah, sweetheart, you need sleep.”

Buck smiles at that as he tilts his head towards Eddie for a lazy kiss. He’s still wearing the soft smile when Eddie pulls away to kiss his temple.

“I like that,” he says before breaking into a yawn.

“What?” Eddie asks, “me kissing you?”

“No,” Buck replies. Then, after a beat, changes his answer. “Well, yes.”

Eddie snorts, and Buck swats his thigh as he whines “be nice to me, I’m injured.”

“Oh I have to be nice, do I?” Eddie mocks, “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

He expects Buck to return the banter, but instead he opens his eyes and pink tinges his cheeks. Despite his tiredness the blue still sparkles in the dim light of the room.

“Yeah, that,” Buck clarifies, nuzzling further into Eddie’s shoulder as he yawns again. “I like when you call me sweetheart.”

“Well that’s good, because I like saying it.”

Eddie smiles and moves them both, being careful of Buck’s injured side, until Buck is settled with his back against the mattress of his hospital bed. Buck protests until he realises Eddie’s arm is still around his shoulder, and then lets out a pleased hum when Eddie climbs on properly to tuck Buck into his side. 

“Go to sleep, Buck,” Eddie coos, “you can barely keep your eyes open.”

Buck leans his head on Eddie’s shoulder and places a hand on Eddie’s chest. Eddie watches as Buck’s fingers begin tracing idle patterns along the neckline of his shirt. The slow movements are hypnotic and Eddie finds himself entranced at the sight of Buck’s hands on him in such a simple affectionate gesture. So much so that he blinks a few times when Buck next speaks in order to snap himself out of it. 

“I don’t want you to go,” Buck confesses, “I’ve wanted this for so long I’m scared to wake up and find out it's all an illusion. I want to keep you.”

Eddie feels like his heart is being squeezed and he takes Buck’s hand in his, as if holding them together over his chest will ease the ache. 

“I promise you that won’t happen,” Eddie says firmly.

“I know,” Buck replies in a slurred whisper, barely holding on to consciousness. “I’m being stupid. If this were a dream I wouldn’t be hurt and you wouldn’t have to leave at all.”

Eddie squeezes his hand again as he pressed his face into Buck’s curls. He hadn’t styled it that morning, no doubt because he was running late, and Eddie hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of him all day because of it. Seeing Buck and Chris together, both sets of light curls bounding as they talked animatedly about each animal, was far too captivating a sight. Then, he’d wanted to reach out and run his hands through Buck’s hair before pulling him into a kiss. Now, he kisses Buck’s head instead, having spent plenty of time with his fingers twirling the strands.

“I wish I could stay too,” he muses, “I’m way too content to move willingly. I think the nurses might kick me out if I push my luck any longer though.”

Buck nods his understanding, mumbling a short “I know.”

“I’ll tell you what,” Eddie concedes, “I’ll stay here until you fall asleep, seeing as you’re almost gone anyway, and then I’ll message you as soon as I wake up so you know for sure that it’s all real, how about that?”

Buck’s eyes, droopy as they are, turn soft as he tilts his face to get a better look at Eddie.

“You don’t have to do that. I know it’s not a dream I just-”

“I get it,” Eddie assures him, leaning down for another featherlight kiss, “I want to do it. Not just tomorrow either.”

Buck smiles and lets his eyes fall closed, finally giving in to sleep. Eddie plans to leave as soon as Buck’s breathing evens out and his head becomes heavy against him. However, he finds his eyes closing for a little while, enjoying the feel of Buck relaxed in his arms, before the usual nurse enters the room and tells him her shift is up and he should leave before the change over. 

Eddie takes one last look at Buck before reaching over to plug his phone into the spare charger from Eddie’s truck. It lights up when it begins charging and Eddie grins at the picture on display. There on Buck’s screen are the three of them, Eddie, Buck and Christopher, with penguins in the background, a photo they’d taken at the zoo that day. Buck’s love for him and his son is clear, displayed right there front and centre, and Eddie wonders why it took him so long to realise Buck loves him back.

As he reluctantly tiptoes out of the room, Eddie finds himself thankful that he’d taken a chance. He looks forward to tomorrow and what it will bring for the three of them. His little family, finally complete. 

  
  


The next morning, Buck wakes up with a smile as bright as the sun shining through the window of his hospital room. He’s surprised to realise he must have slept through the night, something which almost never happens without the help of medication during any of his hospital visits. He reaches for his phone to check the time, knowing he should be getting discharged by lunch, and his smile turns to a grin. There on his screen are two texts waiting from Eddie, both time stamped at a few minutes past eight thirty, just over an hour ago. 

‘Good morning, beautiful. I can’t wait to see you x’

‘No, it wasn’t a dream..’

He hits the call button immediately and feels excitement bubbling in his chest as he waits for Eddie to pick up the phone. 

“Hey,” Eddie greets, “how did you sleep?”

“Good,” Buck replies, “slept like a baby.”

He doesn’t know what else to say. In fact, he has no reason to call but his desire to hear Eddie’s voice.

“That’s great, I know you usually have trouble sleeping in hospitals. I’m glad you got some rest.”

“Yeah well, I had a pretty good end to my night, I think that helped.”

He catches Eddie’s pleased hum through the speaker, “Yeah? Anything particularly great about it?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. My best friend told me he’s in love with me last night.”

“Best friend? Not your boyfriend?”

Buck’s heart lurches into a somersault and he bites his lip to stop an embarrassing sound from escaping. Eddie chuckles nervously down the silent line.

“Buck, you okay? We don’t have to label anything yet if-”

“No,” Buck interrupts, “I want that. I was just surprised, that’s all, and I really like hearing you say it.”

“Well, get used to it, sweetheart, you’re mine now.”

Buck can no longer hold back his blush. Hearing Eddie call him “sweetheart” is quite literally a dream come true and he loves hearing Eddie claim him as his. He feels like everything is falling into place so perfectly that he resists pinching himself to check if it’s real. He knows it is, and it makes it all the words sound even sweeter to Buck’s ears.

“Yeah I am, so what time are you coming to see your boyfriend, then? I kinda miss you already, is that weird?”

“No, I know exactly what you mean,” Eddie returns with a cheerful digh, “I’m just going to pick up Christopher then we’ll head to your place and pick you up some clothes and some things to make you feel more human again.”

“Yes,” Buck groans in relief, “I really hope you mean my toothbrush because I feel gross. I have no idea how you were even kissing me yesterday.”

“Mmm I can’t say I noticed, your lips tasted pretty sweet to me.”

Buck laughs and shakes his head even though Eddie can’t see it. His boyfriend is ridiculous and he makes sure to tell him.

“Ridiculously lucky. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Well then maybe you should get off the phone and go get Chris, I can’t 

“Oh, I see how it is,” Eddie jokes, pretending to be offended, “first your toothbrush, now my son, I guess I know what you really want me for.”

“Yup,” Buck says cheekily, “that and your fantastic ass.”

He feels very accomplished when Eddie sputters down the phone, before bursting into laughter, “you’re something else Evan Buckley.”

“Something good enough for you, clearly, seeing as you’re claiming me as your boyfriend and all.”

“Good enough, too good, same thing.”

“I am not too good for you.”

“Baby, you’re too good for everybody. Anyone who doesn’t see that doesn’t appreciate you enough.”

He wants to protest and tell Eddie of all the reasons why it’s the other way around. The list of reasons why Eddie and Chris are too good for him rolls out in his mind, stretching for what feels like miles. That’s the point though, he realises, that intense admiration he has for Eddie is why he loves him so much. Hearing that Eddie feels the same has Buck closing his eyes and tipping his head back onto the pillows to let the warm light caress his face as Eddie’s hands had during their first kiss. 

Suddenly, in the space of one night, Buck’s life has changed so spectacularly with only a few kisses and some simple words. Knowing Eddie is as devoted to him and their sprouting relationship as he is to Eddie has lit up his world, reality vastly superior to any dream he’s ever had. He knows without a doubt that nothing will ever compare to this feeling of being loved so completely. 

“I could say the same about you,” Buck admits softly, hoping Eddie hears the sincere adoration he feels. 

“Well then,” Eddie says, and Buck can practically feel Eddie’s smile in the words, “I guess we’re perfect for each other then.”

“I have no doubt.”

They stay on the phone in silence for a few moments longer. If anyone walked in on Buck they’d probably think he’s crazy given how widely he’s grinning at the window, but he can’t help it. Even as they wrap up their conversation so Eddie can get on his way, Buck’s radiant smile stays glued in place.

It fades slightly once he’s hung up, but only a little. His happiness doesn’t feel like it’s going to fade anytime soon and with each passing minute he only grows more excited to see Eddie and Christopher again. He stands up to walk around and let out some of the energy thrumming around inside him before he explodes or something. 

Thankfully, his injury allows him to move around as long as he isn’t doing anything strenuous. He won’t be doing any sit ups for a while but his pacing causes him minimal discomfort. 

Seeing the trees sway in the breeze, Buck moves over to the window and opens it up as far as it will go. It isn’t very far given that they’re in a hospital, but it’s enough for Buck to feel the cool air against his face as he leans into the sunlight and scans the world below. It may just be his imagination, but everything really does seem brighter. Even the birds seem happier as they sing happily, three of them perched on a small branch in clear view as he looks to his left. With the window open their cheerful tune can be heard loud and clear and Buck smiles as he watches them as they begin to fly around each other. 

Oddly, it makes him think of Eddie and Christopher and he wonders if the three of them will look that happy and carefree to others now that they can finally become a real family. With that in mind, he wanders back over to the bed, picks up his phone, and admires the photo that sits there on the lit screen. Yeah, the three of them look that happy together, and Buck can’t wait to make more memories with his boys. He only looks away when there’s a knock at the door, his head snapping to the sound and calling for them to enter. 

It’s not Eddie and Christopher, but he smiles nonetheless. 

“It's sure nice to you up and walking around,” Claudia greets as she pokes her head through the door before entering, “most people in your position act like they’re dying no matter how minor their injury is, you’re a breath of fresh air.”

“Yeah well, I know what dying feels like, this is a cakewalk.”

He chuckles as he says the words, but Claudia doesn’t seem all too impressed with his joke. Instead she sends him a deadpan look that reminds him of Carla. Honestly there’s a lot about her that reminds him of Carla, it’s why he’d been so drawn to her, especially as she went above and beyond to humour his need to check on Eddie despite him being the one getting stitches. Maybe he should set them up, they’d probably get along swimmingly and be best friends in no time. He knows Carla doesn’t have much time for friends in her line of work, it’d be good to have someone who understands her crazy schedule. 

“That’s not funny, Buck.”

See, Carla says that to him all the time. They’d end up as close as he and Eddie. Well, maybe not that close given recent developments, they both have husbands after all. The reminder of Eddie has him smiling like a dazed fool again and Claudia easily spots the change.

“What has you so chipper? Did they already bring around you discharge papers?”

“Not yet, are they discharging me soon?”

“Yes, I checked when I got in for my shift, you’re on the list. I do need to change your dressing before you go though.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Buck says with a wave of his hand, “I can just do it when-”

“I’m doing it, Buck, lay down.” There’s no room for argument in her order and Buck chuffs as he does as he’s told. She gives him a satisfied smirk and Buck is starting to wonder if her and Carla were both trained in some sort of super secret caregiver facility, because no other nurse has ever been able to cut straight through Buck’s stubbornness and gain compliance on the first try. 

He settles under the blankets before lifting his gown high enough to reveal his dressed wound. He hasn’t seen it without the cloud of exhaustion looming over him so he finds himself watching curiously as she unveils it. 

“So, what are your plans when you get out of here, heading straight home?”

Buck shrugs, “I guess so, haven’t really thought about it.”

He’d been too busy thinking about Eddie.

“Alright, well if you need us to call you a cab to get home, let us know, you came here in an ambulance right?”

“I did,” Buck confirms, “but that won’t be necessary.” He’s giddy as he says “my boyfriend is picking me up.”

It feels good to say the word and share the news that he and Eddie are together, even if it is with a nurse he met last night.

“Boyfriend, huh?” She asks with a sly grin, halting her work to look up at him with raised eyebrows. “Would that happen to be your ‘just a friend’ from last night?”

Buck gives her a winning grin as he nods, “yeah, that’s him. Eddie.”

“Oh yeah, that’s his name, the distressed one with the perfect bone structure. I told you that I was right about him. What did I tell you?”

“Yeah, yeah, you were right.”

“I know,” she states, “so you took my advice and made your move then?”

Buck snorts as she begins cleaning around the stitches again. 

“What? You can’t just drop the boyfriend bomb and not give me the story after all the running around I did for you. I need this romantic tale to get me through my shift.”

“You should meet my friend Carla,” Buck says with a laugh, decision made, “you two are crazy alike, and both delightfully pushy.”

“Delightfully pushy?” She asks skeptically, “I feel like that would sound like an insult from anyone else, but I’m oddly flattered.”

Buck laughs, “I just mean you’re both good at getting me to stop being stubborn. Only a few people make that list.”

“Well then, I’m definitely honoured,” she decides, and Buck smiles again as she looks at him expectantly. “So…”

“I didn’t make a move,” Buck admits, “I thought about it after you suggested it. Figured since I keep nearly dying, I might as well find out before it’s too late. But then Eddie walked in and he looked so determined I was sure he was going to yell at me for jumping in front of the mugger.”

“Jumped in front of- Buck, are you crazy?” She sounds horrified and Buck understands, he does, but he had a perfectly good reason.

“In my defense, he was going near Christopher, I wasn’t about to let that psycho near my son,” he defends, jostling about on the bed as he waves his hands for emphasis. 

Claudisa pauses what she’s doing again and smirks at him, “your son, huh?”

Buck blushes, “I meant Eddie’s son.”

“No, I don’t think you did,” she teases, “it’s sweet.”

“Yeah well, I’d be lucky to have him. Hopefully this whole boyfriend thing is a step in the right directions. I mean, they’re already family but there’s just something about this that feels more official.”

She hums her agreement as she finishes cleaning and begins to redress his wound.

“I get that,” she says, “you just want to be able to say it rather just think it to yourself.”

“Exactly!” Buck exclaims with a grin, “I knew I liked you for a reason, you get me.”

“What’s got you all excited?”

Buck’s attention immediately snaps to the door, where Eddie now stands with Christopher at his side. 

“Christopher!”

“Wow,” Eddie answers, at the same time as Christopher yells Buck’s name back just as enthusiastically, “what am I to you two, just the taxi driver?”

He blows Eddie a kiss just as Claudia finishes up and Chris reaches the bed. She helps him up easily and Buck gives her a grateful smile as he pulls Chris into his arms before she quietly slips from the room. .

“How are you holding up, buddy? Did you have a good night at Abuela’s?”

“It was okay, I was worried about you though,” Chris replies. It has tears gently prickling at Buck’s eyes, especially when Christopher looks at the bandages on his side and whispers “I’m sorry.”

Buck looks to Eddie, baffled by the apology. Eddie is frozen still by it, but snaps out of it as he comes to stand beside them and puts a hand on each of their backs. 

“Sorry for what?” Eddie asks, keeping his tone neutral as he rubs between their shoulder blades. 

Christopher shrugs his small shoulders and Buck pulls him closer.

“I yelled,” he says quietly, “then you got hurt.”

Eddie lets out a dejected sigh as the implications of Christopher’s words hit him. He opens his mouth, clearly desperate to assure his son, but Buck can see he’s struggling to keep his composure.

“Woah, that’s not your fault at all,” Buck assures, watching Eddie to make sure he’s not overstepping before he continues, “the man who did this is in jail, and I’m fine. I don’t want you blaming yourself for any of this, okay?”

Christopher looks down at his hands and links his fingers together, “but you were standing in front of me.”

“Of course I was,” Buck says resolutely. “I’m always going to try and stop you from getting hurt, your dad too, I love you guys. It’s not your fault that you were in danger, and I’m not mad about this. You can’t let yourself feel guilty about something like that, Christopher, not when you had no control over it.”

“He’s right, Christopher,” Eddie agrees, “I thought it was my fault too, at first, but then Maddie told me that was just my head making me feel bad. You just have to remember that no one blames you.”

“Not at all,” Buck adds, pulling Christopher in for another hug and shooting Eddie a pointed look. He needs them both to get the message, not just the younger of the two. 

“I had no idea,” Eddie says quietly beside him, his mouth next to Buck’s ear. “I guess he should go back to therapy for a bit too, huh?”

He clearly feels terrible and Buck reaches out with the arm behind Chris to grasp Eddie’s arm in comfort before shrugging. 

“You couldn’t have known. Might need to check for it in the future though, taking on unnecessary guilt is apparently a shared habit amongst my Diaz boys.”

Somehow, Buck’s intentions to lighten the mood are successful as Eddie’s face splits into a smile. 

“Your boys, huh?” he repeats, awe sneaking its way in to mingle with the teasing, “you do realise I’m older than you right?”

“Doesn’t make it less true,” Buck counters, “you’re mine now, Diaz.” Then he turns to Chris and winks, “both of you, if that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah,” Chris says with a delighted grin, bouncing back quickly from his earlier distress “is that why you’re coming to live with us?”

“Live with you?”

Buck turns to Eddie, who grimaces and rubs at the back of his neck. He quickly lifts Christopher off of the bed and sets him down in the chair with his game. Clearly it’s time for adult conversation and Buck watches Eddie’s nervous movements as he perches beside Buck on the bed. 

“Not live with us,” he explains, “just stay with us for a little, until you’re all healed up. You don’t have to, I just changed all the sheets on my bed just in case and Chris asked why. I told him I was going to offer and clearly he thought that meant it was a sure thing. I’ll correct him, so no pressure.”

“That’s fine Eddie, I’d be happy to let you dote on me for a few days.”

Truthfully Buck’s delighted at the prospect of spending some time with them. The idea of going back to his empty apartment so soon after everything had made him feel hollow.

“Great, that’s uh- I’m glad,” Eddie stutters, his hand on Buck’s shoulder slipping lower until his palm is flat against the small of his back. 

Buck smirks, an idea forming as he leans in closer until they’re lips are only an inch apart.

“There’s only one problem though.”

“Oh?” 

It’s a distracted sound and it’s obvious as to why given that Eddie’s eyes are glued to his lips. Buck licks them, just to be a tease.

“Yeah, I don’t like the idea of kicking you out of your own bed.”

That has Eddie reeling back while raising a single, incredulous eyebrow, “you’re not sleeping on the pullout, no way, Buck. You’re hurt.”

It leaves no room for argument and Buck hides his impish grin behind a demure smile, portraying false innocence as he tilts his chin down in a gesture of surrender. Chris is still distracted by his game when Buck checks from the corner of his eye. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” 

Buck shrugs nonchalantly before going in for the kill. He looks at Eddie through his lashes before biting his lip in a way that always drives his partners crazy. 

“I guess we’ll just have to share then.”

Eddie leans forward for a kiss that ends with Buck’s lip between Eddie’s own teeth. “Oh, yeah, I definitely like that idea better.”

“Good, because I’m your problem now,” Buck breathes against Eddie’s mouth, “no taking it back, even if I did just kiss you before brushing my teeth.”

Eddie shakes his head, the faintest of movements, before kissing Buck again, “I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m not letting you go, sweetheart.”

A small suppressed giggle chimes from beside them. When they look, Christopher’s game is forgotten in favour of watching them with a grin.

“I knew it!”

“A lot of people did, Superman,” Eddie confirms, “it just took us a little while to catch up.”

“But we did,” Buck finishes, “and I love you both more than anything.”

“We love you too,” Christopher concludes. By the looks of it, he stole the words right out of Eddie’s mouth and the older man just nods along with a grin. 

When the papers are signed, and Buck is finally dressed and free, they walk out together, hand in hand with Christopher leading their way. He stops off at the nurse's station, much to Eddie’s amusement, to say bye to Claudia and drop her his contact details, and she waves them off with a smile as they leave.

“Finally,” Eddie groans dramatically, though he’s smiling and clearly doesn’t mind.

“Shut up,” Buck replies, “let's go home.”

Eddie kisses his cheek when Buck throws an arm over his shoulders, and Buck is quickly learning he could get used to Eddie’s easy affection. 

“That sounds like a perfect idea.”

As Buck climbs into the car outside, ready to go home with his little family, he swears he can hear the distinct sounds of three chirping birds before he closes his door. Then, all he hears is himself, Christopher and Eddie as they chatter happily all the way home. 

**Author's Note:**

> Two tags I'd like to clarify in case people are questioning:  
> -"Major character Injury", "Hospitals", "Hurt Buck", "Non-Graphic Violence" & "Stabbing" all refer to an incident in which Buck is accidentally stabbed while he and Eddie are trying to stop a mugger. He is hurt and needs a simple surgery, but ultimately he is fine. (Chapter 5)  
> -"Almost Dying" refers to Eddie believing he and Buck are about to die in a dream. Neither of them are ever in real danger IRL, but it's described as it happens in the dream so I tagged for it. (Chapter 6)  
> -"Sexuality Crisis" ties in with "feelings realisation" and refers to Eddie suddenly realising he has feelings for Buck despite never having considered himself as being sexually attracted to men. He has some struggles surrounding this, but never specifically struggles with accepting it. Despite this, "crisis" seemed the most appropriate tag just in case people needed a warning.  
> I've tried to tag for everything coming up across the next six chapters, please feel free to ask for more details if you're worried about possible triggers. Also, I'm happy to add any tags if anyone thinks they're needed. If anymore tags are added I'll put a note before the latest chapter for those already reading.


End file.
